It is the end of September.
Humanity’s time is almost up.
The observant of you might have realised what I’m talking about. According to the world of Left 4 Dead, the end is nigh. Graffiti scrawled on the inside walls of the Riverside Church are a makeshift memorial to the dead of the Infection, and they’re all dated between the 2nd and 19th October 2009.
In the next few days, we can expect to hear reports of people being infected by an odd rabies-like virus that causes mindless violence in its victims. Within two weeks many cities will be completely overrun by zombies, who will have started to mutate into ever more gruesome forms. The last remnants of humanity will be heavily-armed refugees, brimming with sexual tension and a penchant for pain killers. Just as we start to dismiss Swine Flu as an overblown scare story, nature gives us a nasty plot twist.
Crumbling Cookies, and All That
Well, never mind, eh? We’ve had a good innings as a species. Somewhere between the Pyramids and the Internet, we managed to achieve one or two things of lasting note. Many would say it is better to go out with a mindless cannibalistic bang than a global warming-induced whimper.
If you’ve ever fancied your chances in a horror movie, now is the time to prove your mettle. Grab a band of friends and you could be the stars of L4D, or failing that, Shaun of the Dead. You could even grab a camera and an electric guitar, pop into the nearest shopping mall and call yourself Frank West.
Of course, it could all be a false alarm. My faith in popular culture futurology took a blow last year when the Suicide Booth failed to materialise. Perhaps with the rapidly approaching release of L4D2, the canon will be retconned to postpone armageddon by a year, to let us gain some enjoyment from the sequel. Or perhaps to distract us from Valve’s inevitable announcement of Left 4 Dead 3 at E3 2010.
Only time will tell. Myself, I’m off to play some Crash Course and try to get those last pesky achievements. That said, I might just have a lie down. Does anyone else feel cold?
