Oh that nap did me the world of good, I was dead tired. I just got back from vacation you know. I just spent three days at the luxurious Blood Hospital courtesy of L4D Maps, apparently it’s one of their rare full package adventure holidays. Oh but the first day was quite the disappointment I must say. Not only do I find out that I’ll be sharing my accommodation with three others and the dilemma at the airport, but when we got there the place was so dark you couldn’t see past the end of your shotgun. And those zombies let me tell you, actually I took quite a few pictures let me show you . . . Hm? Oh wait, of course I’ve already told you about all this. My mind’s a bit of a mess, I’ve just come back from vacation you know. From Blood Hospital. For three days. Sorry, sorry I’m rambling again. Where were we? Oh yes the second day.
Day 2
Oh dear, Bill fell down.
I have to say I wasn’t impressed by room service, our last room was filled to the brim with beds and then this room was completely bare. Isn’t that always the way, you either get too much or nothing at all. Though despite the constant parade of disappointments we were more than hopeful that this day would be the day we really saw Blood Hospital. Well to be honest, being able to see anything would of been quite the achievement the way things had been going. I opened the door with bated breath to see our first glimpse of the real Blood Hospital.
That settles it, these people know nothing of Health & Safety
It’s nothing like the one in the brochure! For one I’m sure it had walls! Look at that picture and tell me that walkway isn’t a death-trap. You simply can’t. How did they ever let it get so neglected, I hope they fired their janitor for gross incompetence. Well as my grandma always said, “Stiff upper lip.” So I kept my lip firm, my head held high, my hands and knees planted on the ground, and I shuffled myself to the other side. I heard the others snickering but I wasn’t going to risk tripping off the edge, or gorging myself on a piece of rebar. Not that they’d listen, they were very headstrong companions. I slowly made it across, and things were looking brighter. Literally. Someone had finally turned on some lights.
Gah!
Well what did I say earlier, either you don’t get anything or you get too much. I at least hope those were energy saving light bulbs, for our planets sake. I myself do my own bit for mother earth, as you well know I lead a neighbourhood watch to make sure zombies are correctly put in the correct z-bin for recycling (remember special infected in the red bin, and regular in the green). This is more like it though, now I can actually see the place. If only they left the lights on in the other building too.
This is going to be murder on my feet
This is what I came to see, wonderful architecture bathed in a warm light. This is what Blood Hospital is famed for, and look not a pesky local zombie to ruin the scene. It cheered me up so much that I nearly overlooked the fact that the escalators were out of order, I just left a post-it note instead of filing a formal complaint. Though this mood did not last long before we went back to the usual, but this time with a bit more lighting.
Why Zoey? Why?
No I can still see you there, fat man
Before you ask, no I do not know why there is a series of fencing and boxes around the hospital. It’s highly impractical, much like most of what I’ve seen. Speaking of which there was one curious thing I noticed about the local populace while I was over there, there were more than the standard fare of fat men. Now you know I’m never rude about such things like appearances but these men were clearly clinically obese and numerous in population. At a certain points all I could hear was their horrid gargling and belches from all around me. To tell you the truth I was glad to finally replace those disgusting noises with a more satisfying pop.
Wait a moment, that building has no windows!
At this point I was glad to see there was some semblance of law and order in these parts. I thought they could help lead us out since no one else in my group wanted to lead. I was getting a little homesick by that point, wondering how you were all coping without me. Well that and the fact I couldn’t go anywhere without angering the horde, no matter what I did it always seemed to rub them the wrong way. Just look at these pictures.
I only told him we recycle his kind back home
Spotlight? Stage? Is it karaoke night tonight?
Obviously not
You see I couldn’t put a foot right in their eyes, they’re just like with my mother-in-law. Like I said, I just wanted to get back home by this point. Although we did all meet an interesting young fellow by the entrance on our way out.
Oh, how he did hate those crates
This is . . oh . . ah I could never pronounce his name, I just called him Billy. We found him jumping up and down, viciously clawing at those wooden boxes. He was so full of life jumping all around, shrieking in that language of his, ah to be young again. We never saw hide nor hair of his parents, poor thing must of been abandoned. I hear that’s what they do out here, but we didn’t have the time to dilly dally so I . . . recycled him. Moving on.
So close . . .
As you can see we reached our accommodation easily after exiting the building. We were all looking forward to a nice relaxing night before heading home the next day. But of course we had to deal with one final situation before we could enter.
. . . and yet so far.
Bill had got his beard stuck in the fence. It took us a good five or so minutes to trim his beard free (he refused to let us just shave it off). What a card he is. You can probably pick up that I was not best pleased with the trip and as such prepared another letter of complaint;
Dear Cameraman-4,
I am still displeased with the holiday you booked me on. The central and iconic Blood Hospital I had heard so much about did indeed have an impressive atrium, but I found the areas away from the atrium to be rather dull and plain. It is a shame that the rest of the building did not get the same love and devotion so obviously given to the atrium.
I will be returning tomorrow, using the route you picked out for us.
Yours Truly,
Idlehands
P.S.
It might’ve helped matters if the main atrium was corderned off from the riff raff locals. They seemed to be everywhere!
You’d think that the journey home would be easy enough, but you’d be dead wrong. Oh now that was an interesting day and I’d tell you all about it, but I haven’t collected that batch of pictures from the photo shop. Don’t worry though I’ll call round just as soon as I collect them. Then I can finish telling you all about my vacation. Won’t that be fun? Of course it will be, silly.
