The Prologue
The story all begins because of a simple file, well actually this all began in California as a twinkle in a “film-makers” eye, but my story began because of a file. It’s strange how one file could change how you viewed the world, how you lived your life. All it takes is something simple to change everything, even fate. Did you know a person’s fate is decided not by the person, it is decided for them by others. Mine was no different, my fate was decided at an office meeting.
The Meeting
In an dusk drenched office two men stand in silence, one by the window, the other by the desk, both trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Hoping it would vanish, disappear and no longer be their responsibility, but it won’t, it never does. The elephant in the room is an innocent looking report file lying alone upon the desk, that contains print outs and some, let’s say interesting images.
“We need to do something,” the one by the desk, known as General Balls says to break the silence, “You kn-”
“I know!” interrupts the one known as Madlep, “I know . . we have to report this, anything to do with Left 4 Dead falls under our jurisdiction . . but I never expected this.”
“Who could expect such a thing.”
An awkward silence hangs in the office, occasionally punctured by the staff outside shouting into their mics “Noob!”, “Stick with the damned team!”, and “Bloody rage quitters!”
“Perhaps,” General Balls started pondering lowering his voice, “Perhaps we needn’t report it, the tubes are already ablaze with the news. Everyone already knows. We could just let this one slide by, say we were busy with the upcoming update.”
Madlep sighs, “No. No, the people are going to look to us for a response, for answers”
“But who would want this assignment? Who’s that sick, twisted and deranged enough watch this? Let alone report it. Who do we have on staff that would- no, could do this?”
Madlep muses for awhile before slowly speaking, “There is one,” he slowly turns to face General Balls, “But your going to need to take a flight.”
The man
The pounding reverberates around my head, my skull threatening to cave in on itself, my soft feeble brain crushed with brutish sound waves. I open one bleary bloodshot eye to seek out the offender, only to be greeted by a blurred, spinning room. The pounding continues, I slip onto my feet and feel my way towards the noise, I make my way to a pounding rectangle shaped blur. I call out, but only a mumbled groan slips past my lips. The pounding stops.
“Idle. Idle, are you in there? It’s me General Balls,” replied the now still blur, “Let me in we need to talk.”
I obey the blur and fumble around until it swings open. On the other side is another blur, this time in the shape of a human. I can’t see but I know the blur is looking at me disapprovingly. I invite it in and crash back onto the nearest soft blur I can find.
“Oh no you don’t,” the human blur grabs me before I can embrace sweet softness and drags me away, “I need you at least semi-aware for this.”
General Balls treats me to his own tried and tested method to get me awake, involving flushing my head in the toilet until I gain some sentience. It’s not the nicest experience one can have but I have to say it’s never failed so far. I sit on the edge of my bed, still dripping, as General Balls observes the chaotic mess of empty bottles and cans that I now call my carpet. He tosses a file onto my lap as he finally settles on my desk.
“We need your help on this one my man.”
“I haven’t been one of your men for a while now, General.”
“Oh yeah and by the looks of things you’ve been doing just dandy.”
I give him a glare before begrudgingly opening the file. I flick through a few pages, “What is this? A couple of pictures of a girl cosplaying as Zoey. What do you need me for?”
“Keep looking.”
“Hmph . . hm . . that’s the cheesiest Smoker outfit I’ve seen . . no wait . . what’s he . . oh . . OH! This is . . Why?”
“Don’t know, don’t much care. That’s your job.”
I slowly tear my eyes away from the images, stuffing one of them into my back pocket, “Oh you have got to be kidding me.”
“Afraid not, no one else will touch this, therefore it’s all yours,” he beams.
“What about Nalfang?”
“He’s currently method acting for his next Prologue article. Last I saw he was running round the office in a vest listing all the things he hates.”
“Bu- . . but . . I’m not . . I’m,” I stammer but it’s too late he’s already out the door.
I’m left alone in the room with the file, damn that General Balls. Just dropping this into my lap, he knows I can’t leave it be after seeing this. That magnificent bastard. After a short period of self-loathing I start up my lappy, head to google and begin my research for the article.
The Article
Someone made a Left 4 Dead porno.
Well that just trumps everything, ever.
Tee Hee - GB
