There is a lot of pickiness in the L4D community as to what exactly constitutes a zombie, and how a zombie is specifically different to your plain vanilla infected. This is insulting to the hardworking consciousness-impaired workforce, all of whom refer to themselves as ‘zombies’. This creeping elitism is exactly what we do not need.
There is some paranoid feel about being called out for incorrectly referring to the consciousness-impaired with the wrong title. Its as if everyone is afraid that the rep from the Zombie union is about to make a surprise inspection and announce an immediate zombie stop work meeting because real zombies are missing out because stinking infected are coming in and stealing their jobs.
I mean its not like there is some 5 year training and certification course that zombies are required to undertake before they can refer to themselves with the “Z” word.
So what exactly is a ‘zombie’?
Apparently there is some arbitrary definition of what exactly a zombie is. In recent times, its anyone that fits in with George A. Romero’s films. Something along the lines of:
- Rising from the grave, or some other super natural origin
- Eating brains
- Saying ‘brains’ really slow. Like “braaaaaiiinnnsssss!!!”
- Can only be killed by a shotgun hit to the head, or some equally extreme means (chainsaws also work)
- Slow, meandering
- Not undead, just sick. Nothing supernatural going on
- They run fast
- No apparent eating of brains. Just angry, angry people itching for a fight
This pretty much exludes all of the infected
And what is an ‘infected’?
And it is these arbitrary differences that cause such discrimination. AND MUST STOP!
Zombie is an attitude
When it comes down to it, these are really trivial differences. Instead of looking at how traditional zombies and “infected” are different, lets look at what they’ve got in common: The zombie attitude. That’s right, I said it. They’re the same deep down inside. I’m sure the zombie association is going to come down on me for saying it, but we need to get with the 21st century here. If the kids from L4D want to call themselves zombies, then all power to them. We don’t need some stuffy bunch of baby boomer zombies setting the rules about what is in and what is out.
It’s all about the attitude. It’s about letting your zombie freak flag fly. About bunching up with hundreds of other like minded zombies in the worlds biggest mosh pit and breaking down some doors with your bare hards. It’s about stomping some heads while wearing a hospital gown. Without a back. Without any underwear. You gotta freak out so much that you charge off the side of a building while going after that helicopter that has already left.
And when some guy with an automatic shotgun, or assault rifle shoots at you, you keep charging. CAUSE YOU’RE A FREAKING ZOMBIE! And when that same guy throws a shiny, beeping toy, you RUN after it. Run as fast as you damn well can.
Especially, if a car alarm goes off? You know what to do.
So lets not get all picky about this. Being Zombie is a feeling. Something that comes from the heart. Its not a precise dictionary definition to exclude those who don’t fit some narrow criteria. Its a wonderful inclusive definition that welcomes all. I wanna be a zombie, and I don’t care if I haven’t risen from the grave, and I run instead of staggering. Dammit, I AM a zombie!
