Well, I would like to have done an article about a round on Left 4 Dead, had my CD-Key not already been taken (I just need a Permanent Marker and a place to write some information). Shame, I would have called it something like ‘Love is in the (Dead) Air’ or something, and display my love to Dead Air had I played it. But, sadly, this is not the case, and I’m writing this article as a parody to SAC’s article. So, let me be the Weird Al of Boomercharged for a day as tell you why Medkits are, in fact, better than Pain Pills…

First, when they heal, it is permanent!

I know, it’s amazing. I love it, you should to. Those itsy-bitsy Pain Pills only gives you a small amount of HP for a small amount of HP for a small amount of time. Good for when you are on the run, but if you are ever need to take the Pills while you are running, you clearly haven’t planned ahead. I bet you don’t even reload when there is no zombies.

Also, did I forget to mention that, when you are attacked, your permanent health will be taken even if you have temporary HP ? It’s pretty important to know that! Don’t go stocking on Pills, hoping you’ll make it to the other side of the level. Stock Medkits! I love them. You love them. Your team loves them. Hunters love them. EVERYONE LOVES MEDKITS!

Second, they reset your fall count!

If you were ever in the situation that you have been knocked down two times, would you prefer to have Pain Pills or a Medkit? If you said Medkit, well done. If you said Pain Pills, you really have been spending to much time in the horde, a zombie must have gave you a hard whack on the head. What are you, mad or overconfident?

Well, either way, you are gonna die without a Medkit. Don’t say a friend will rescue you, because he won’t, since you didn’t take a Medkit and caused your own death. You left that Medkit in the safe room because you hated it so much, and you died because of it. Now your team has one less gunner. I hope your happy…

Finally, it is RED!

I mean, look at it! IT IS GLORIOUS! I prefer Blue myself, but both are better then silly old White. Maybe I should make a new article called ‘Three Reasons why the colour Red > the colour White’*. That’s how big the colour Red is compared to White…

Hmm? You say White is better then Red? Well then, here are some questions:

1. Name a Primary Colour?
2. What is the colour of your favourite original Power Ranger?
3. What is the colour of your favourite TF2 team (Spectator doesn’t count)?

You see, it is possible to say Red to all of those questions, meaning it is the best colour! You could have also said Blue for all the questions, but it is impossible to say White!

*Note: I am British, I spell ‘color’ with a ‘u’. Don’t complain please, or I’ll spill my tea and drop my toast…(and forget to tell the butler to fetch me some crumpets -himmelstoss)

Ok, Serious Talk now…

The fact is, you can’t have one without the other. Medkit and Pain Pills are like Sandvich and Overheal, except the fact you don’t eat Medkits and Overheal only happens when you are on full health. Either you take them both, in which case you are an item hoarder, or don’t take either of them, in which case you are a dude trying to get ‘Unbreakable’ despite your teams best efforts to kill you get you to the Safe Room alive. Either way, you’re a jerk…