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Just when you thought it was confined to TF2…

Credit goes to the GlitchnGurus (Fry40, Agoodfella, Reacharound, Bruce Willis, and Aaro).
Spotted by Alchemist on the forums.

I don’t know how many of you saw Microsoft’s E3 press conference, but one of the bits of news to emerge from it was a sequel for Left 4 Dead. Actually, there was a trailer, but you probably already saw that in the post below this one.

Luckily, that’s not all there is to know about Left 4 Dead 2, because IGN.com released a gameplay impressions article and a few videos concerning the game. Now I’m not here to try to give you all the news and tell you about all the new features… I’ll let the professionals do that. I’m just looking to share my thoughts a little with the Left 4 Dead community, and maybe see what you guys have to say.

While I’m certainly interested in this sequel having thoroughly enjoyed the first Left 4 Dead, part of me is a little confused/annoyed at this announcement. First, I have to wonder, why does all this new content need to be its own separate game? I was feeling like Valve was just starting to pump out the new downloadable content for Left 4 Dead, and some of the things being talked about (melee weapons, new campaigns, new zombies) would all be welcome, and seemingly possible, additions to the first game.

I noticed in the trailer a brighter, slightly more cartoony look to the character designs, and maybe that is the main reason L4D2’s new additions wouldn’t fit into L4D1… but I’m not convinced. At the very most this feels more like an expansion pack than a full sequel.

There are many Valve franchises to make sequels to, so why did the company choose to make one out of a game that’s not even a year old? And it’s not like this is coming out in the far-off future; the release date is November 17! I’m sure Left 4 Dead deserves a sequel, but I’m not sure it needs one so soon. Instead, I would rather be playing Half Life 2: Episode 3, or Portal 2… games that fans like myself have been waiting years for. I’m not saying that Valve isn’t working on either one of those, because chances are, they have more than one project going on right now. I’m just saying that I would rather have more developers focusing on either of those two games.

Finally, I can’t help but comment on the second to last paragraph of the IGN article I linked to earlier. For those too lazy to read it themselves, it says that the developers are considering putting all four of L4D1’s campaigns onto the L4D2 disk, to eliminate the hassle of switching disks for the people who want to play a campaign from the first game. In essence, this would render the first one useless, as there would be no reason to ever play L4D1 again if you could just do everything in the second game. The fans, of course, would buy the sequel, and the online playerbase of the first L4D would die off before too long due to everyone moving on to the next game. Thanks for screwing us over, Valve!

Also, there’s the Left 4 Dead: Game of the Year Edition that came out recently. (On a side note, who decided that L4D was the game of the year? I thought it was either Grand Theft Auto IV or Fallout 3…) Who’s going to want to buy that knowing that by the end of the year, you’ll be able to do everything on that disk in the sequel. Oh, I know who will buy it… people that don’t realize Left 4 Dead 2 will really just be Left 4 Dead 1+2. The people who buy the Game of the Year Edition would be screwed over more than anyone else, as they would only have a few months before their $50/$60 purchase became content that was merely thrown onto the sequel, as opposed to the people who bought L4D1 earlier, because those “lucky” people would have had more months than the others.

Luckily, this is all still just being considered. The IGN article even says “user feedback would probably help sway Valve, so make sure to let the company know what you think.” Well, what do you think? I’ve given my thoughts, so I’m interested to hear yours. There’s no doubt in my mind that Left 4 Dead 2 will be a great game, but I can’t help but question what Valve is thinking.

Well, the E3 mess has kicked off again for another year. Valve has been doing the rounds, and has announced for November 17… not specified of which year… which knowing Valve could mean anytime up until 2043

Anyway, the chainsaws and frying pan melee weapons look cool.

I just want to know if I’ll be able to blast zombies from long range with a fighter jet though.

Although it takes a skilled player to recognise his potential. Many of you will have heard of Visceral, arguably the best Hunter player that has bothered to make himself well-known, but if you haven’t heard of this Dynamix teamer, there’s but one way you need to learn about him.

While it’s nice to see such skill with the Hunter, and he’s by far the most entertaining Infected to watch, I am very interested in seeing what Smoker and Boomer ‘experts’ of similar experience could pull off. That said, this was found on this SteamPowered thread. Props to Visceral for his skill and the video.

Visceral has several more videos on his YouTube Channel for any who are interested.

The AI director is the spite of Left 4 Dead. He plans the deadliest of ambushes, spites the humans with hordes of infected, and relentlessly, time and time again, spawns just one too many Tanks. Imagine the strings being pulled behind the scenes, imagine if you could hold that power…

And now you can…

Zombie Master is a free Source Mod that lets you play as the AI director. You can spawn Shamblers, set traps with Banshees, and mow down the living with a Hulk. It’s all surprisingly well done. Being a cross between Zombie Panic! Source and Left 4 Dead, you get to play as a group of the living, or the aforementioned Zombie Master.

At the beginning of a round, one player is randomly chosen to play the Zombie Master, the others play as humans. The human gameplay plays out much like Zombie Panic! Source: You look for objectives, kill hordes of zombies, and try to escape alive.

But the real fun is being that specially chosen player for the Zombie Master. This plays much like an RTS: you can spawn Zombies at predetermined spawn points, set traps, and also activate special “Manipulate” points to create various environmental dangers.

There really isn’t much else to talk about, the only thing you can do now is read the manual, and give it a whirl!

And before you go… do look out for Drifters, those things are deadlier than they sound…

Why do you hate me Left 4 Dead? I give and give you my most precious time out of my one and only life and this is what I get in return? It depresses me very much that you betray me after all this time we spent together. Not you Campaign, you’re my favorite. I’m looking at you, Versus.

Don’t get me wrong folks, I think Versus is neat. The idea of being a zombie capable of killing someone in mere minutes fascinates me. However, the way it was executed in Left 4 Dead leaves me many times with no sense of accomplishment whatsoever.

It’s gotten to the point that the only enjoyment I get out of the game is becoming Boomer and watching THIS happen to them.

Why do I hate Versus? I’ll tell you.

My main complaint of the game is the tide of battle. If one team is killing a very disorganized zombie team constantly and taking little to no damage, it is very unlikely that that team will suddenly become good and systematically destroy them. On the flipside, the team will get even more frustrated when they switch and have to use all their Health Packs at 5% Distance Traveled.

This has gotten to the point that the only time a game changes pace is a large amount of ragequit on a team. Hear that right? If you want to suddenly start winning, you better have some ragequitters.

Another thing about Versus is the Boss Infected’s health. Though this problem may stem from a psychological problem from playing TF2 too much. See, in TF2, you can be a Pyro. However, the other person your up against can be a Pyro too. So if you are able to defeat them in combat, you get this sense of accomplishment. “Hey! I just defeated someone that had the same advantages as I did!”

Not so for Left 4 Dead. Tight knit groups can easily dispose of a Hunter with 2 clicks. Shove and Auto Shotgun to the face. Bam. There goes 30 seconds.

It’s also very frustrating to get repeatedly killed as a Boss Infected only to find out that all that damage you’ve been doing to them was waived way by a Health Pack which you could do nothing to stop.

Now I try, I really do. I try to play to the best of my abilities, I try to communicate with my team. I try to get coordinated attacks with my team. However for the most part, it just ends in disappointment.

I wonder if I’m the minority out here? Are there others who don’t get any feeling that they did something useful for their team? Or am I just too critical of this game? I’d like to hear from all of you in your posts or comments. Tell me what you think.

Left 4 Dead was originally being done by Turtle Rock Studios (notable for doing several things for VALVe, such as CS:CZ, Some maps in CS:S and the Xbox port of Counter-Strike), until VALVe bought them up sometime around 2008. At this point, the game looked very different to what we have now.

Yes, this game looked very different. Surprisingly, the level design/gameplay never really seemed to change.

Now, with L4D using a different file system, you’re going to need to update GCFScape. The game taunts you by storing all the simple stuff in what is a normal source game directory, not a GCF. But, the materials and models are all stored in VPK files, notably pak01_dir.vpk. A quick disclaimer is that most of these images are fused together to make it easier on me. Again, let’s start of with something that is incredibly expected.

Found in the VPK under “materials/console”

This was so predictable it was not funny. Along with this, under “materials/gfx/vgui”, is a ridiculous amount of Counter-Strike stuff. For those who do not know, L4D results from a Counter-Strike Source mod known as “Terror-Strike”. Seems obvious this would be left in.

Found in the VPK under “materials/console”

You know how most VALVe games has the level on the startup, and it starts blurred? To achieve that effect, the blurred images are created and stored as normal images. These seem to be hints of early levels or something. But even better is…

Found in the VPK under “materials/console”

If you can’t tell what this is, you can click it. And if you can’t tell what it is then, you need glasses. These are what appear to be very early finales for “No Mercy, Dead Air, Death Toll and Blood Harvest.”

Found in the VPK under “materials/console”

You all should have seen this before. Screamer blah blah blah. Moving on.

Found in the VPK under “materials/resource”

Oh, silly VALVe face.

Found in the VPK under “materials/vgui/tools”

I think putting the Filmmaker is pretty taunting of them. That was supposed to be released with TF2. Actbusy made me laugh though.

That’s about it. I may or may not possibly do a second part when the SDK finally comes out, as viewing the models right now is not fun.

/neatstuffthatyoumighthavealreadyknown

With the new release of the SDK and a new game mode on top of two unlocked ( finally ) campaigns Death Toll and Dead Air; the buzz in Left 4 Dead has never been bigger. And so we bring ourselves to the mighty Survival Mode and the whopping 10 min to 14 min marks that people are slamming with seaming ease while the valve team boasted the best they managed was 10 minutes.

Even with these numbers, I propose that this more so the ‘Not So Last Stand’ — here is a quick intuitive guide as to how to set yourself up to survive the horrible horde bearing down upon you with with teeth bared. Buckle in its a hell of a ride.

While survival mode brings a new ‘game play’ style to the table. It offers little more than normal infected in larger swarms coming in mass numbers. While this is not enough there will be multiple smokers and hunters that must be dealt with rapidly. In normal game play, there is usually a single boomer with two hunters and a smoker at any given time. Often this prevents a 4 way incap with all the survivors being pinned in fashion. While this is not always the case as the game does offer a 3rd hunter upon sacrifice of the boomer in vs. And in very VERY rare occasions 4 hunters; survival mode puts no bounds on such and will throw multiples of the same infected at you — finding yourself and your team mate smokered at the same time will not be an uncommon situation.

There are numerous gas canisters and fuel tanks scattered around the area of Last Stand. This is a luxury that is not shared throughout all the available campaigns and is something you should take advantage of. In the situation that these are available, stock piling them under a cornered survivors feet can prove invaluable against swarming hordes when with a good throw and a well placed shot a gas canister can erradicate an entire room while doing no ( or little ) damage to the survivors.

The fuel tank, though it uses a little more skill to throw, can be used to block off entire doors repeatedly. Offering a closing point on a spot with multiple rooms that can be jammed up with molotovs and multiple fuel tanks for very long periods of time. (read on if you are wondering why you wouldn’t use the molotovs / fuel tanks on a tank).

Each level has a certain amount of ‘climb’ texture that the zombies can take. You’ll notice that when zombies clamber over the fences they calaborate in a concentrated area. That is because as dynamic as the game may like to boast, the zombies can only follow and climb set paths while jumping certain heights ( like up on containers for instance ) without lazily clambering up and over the object ( the odd stragler you see over some random portion of the fence). Taking advantage of our undead fallen breathren in there climbing prowess is something that you can use in your survival. Climbing to higher points often allows you to avoid atleast half of the zombies as they clamber up random objects to get close enough to beat you with there long dead arms. The advantage of a situation like this is that it only takes a single person to pick off any climbers leaving 3 others to take out jumpers ( zombies that leap on top of you from above ) and runners ( zombies that charge you from front and/or back).

Another useful thing to remember is that the game dynamics do not allow ( though it can be slightly flawed and I admit I’ve had an entire horde just get dumped in front of me to get wiped out with one clip of the auto shotgun ) the horde to spawn within viewing distance. Strategically setting up someone in view of an overhang, slightly outside of the group, can prevent death from a horde spawning above ones team or behind an annoying fence. ( this is very noticeable on Dead Air Finale, when camping behind the plane if you have someone able to see through the fence zombies will never spawn behind it)

The game offers many many ammo caches usually placed strategically in places that will force you into the open. Some may see this as a disadvantage as you need to clamber into the open leaving yourself an easy target for hunter pounces and smokers. There are a few ways around this, but not many.

Conserving ammo is a great way to lower the need to go outside. People often make the mistake of unloading everything they have into the on coming horde only to find that there dwindling ammo supply forces them out and into the ammo cache area to get eaten alive. Increasing the use of Melee and Pistols in killing normal infected can limit the need for trips out to the ammo cache and thus reducing your chances of being killed.

Dual pistols are your friend due to their accurate range while crouched. They very capable of taking out a smoker and any normal infected. Three or four dual pistols can cause a bullet wall effect dropping anything that comes through a hole in the wall or a door way and saving on heavy weapon ammo and causing less need to go out to the ammo cache out of reach. Also experiment with reloading times to find one that suits you best. Weather it be shoot / melee / shoot / reload or just simply unload a full clip / reload melee spam. Make sure you are capable of adjusting to the situation so you don’t kill two zombies with a full clip of ammo and have nothing left for the horde.

When setting up your perimeter remember that you’re ammo cache must be readily available and that it takes a very short time for you to exit, acquire ammo and return to your camping spot without too much drama. While this is not always the easiest thing to do, attempt to set your team up in a position where the ammo stack is in view of the other players. That way if you do have to go out solo for whatever reason you have ample cover.

In situations where a player needs ammo it is best to do so in teams of two. Two people should head to the ammo stack while two people remain in viewing distance to pick off smokers or hunters that cause trouble to the players preventing the short expedition from being their last.

If someone is in dire need of medical attention, someone with a GOOD amount of health should make there way to the medpacks / pills to acquire medical aid. Never send a low health survivor out into the open to acquire there own medical supplies as infected will make very short work of him. Causing an incap and drawing out your remaining survivors. And remember when someone is going out make sure the team is fully reloaded!

Learning to Reload at times can be difficult, but some things you should always remember:

- While reloading a weapon, use melee to fight off infected. This does not interrupt the reload process.
- When one gun runs out either reload and begin melee or switch to the other gun.
- After every two shots with any shotgun, reload and use melee. This saves your full ammo pack for a bad situation.
- You do not need to reload your weapon immediately. Just don’t forget to do it when you have a chance. (secondary weapons can be extremely effective backups)
- NEVER go out for more ammo alone, always inform your team mates that you are going.
- If you are completely out of ammo use a pipe bomb / molotov before reloading. This can buy you time.

The first thing you need to do is don’t panic! Often the tank at distance will throw rocks. These rocks CAN be shot and will not hurt the survivor if done so. At times this can be difficult and is easiest with the Automatic Shotgun. There is a time (I believe) that the rock needs to be in the air before you can shoot it. Example you can’t shoot it out of his hands. This distance seems to vary, and shooting should be the last ditch attempt when dodging is not possible.

At least two people should have the automatic shotgun at all times. While most people roll with three as a minimum, I say two because a hunting rifle and an automatic rifle can be excellent cover from annoying smokers and hunters that the hunting rifle just can’t pick off.

To deal with the tank there are two times that the survivors ( with automatic shotguns ) should run at him to get his attention while atleast one support person keeps an eye on smokers, boomers, hunters and to a lesser extent horde. When he is throwing a rock the two auto shotguns should begin to open fire (and stop running towards him). If you are very close begin opening up with a fully automatic shotgun barrage. If not you may want to use your pistols to begin doing damage to avoid the rock strike.

After throwing a rock, he often does what I like to call a ‘Hulk Roar’. This is the opportunity for both automatic shotguns ( or more ) to charge in to punch range and begin firing. If both players wait until they are in range then rapidly back pedal they should get away without being hit. Done properly the tank should go down very fast without a reload needed.

Unfortunately he does not always go down, or you get punched around a bit and / or run out of room to run. Or maybe you just plain have yourself stuck in a small room with nowhere to run.

If a pillar is available, the person who is being chased is to circle around the pillar at a wide diameter with all three other team mates attacking the tank. When the tank switches targets the new target is to circle the tank and repeat the process. If done right the tank will never land a blow and the other 3 players can keep special infected at bay while doing good damage.

Using climbable objects to your advantage is a little more difficult. Obviously the tank will climb up to get his target, giving everyone ample time to do excessive damage. But your initial reaction once he is up is to jump back off the object often standing atop it and firing down at him. This is the worst thing you can do because once the tank reaches the top, he can almost instantly punch you straight off. Even if you wait for him to get up then jump down he can instantly punch you before he touches the ground.

In the situation where a tank is climbing up to get you jump off the moment he latches on and begins to climb up and immediately shoot him from the ground. Not only does he have to complete his climb animation but this means that once he reaches the top you are out of reach and safe and he has to come back down. If he changes targets, his next target has ample opportunity to climb back up to another high spot and repeat the process.

This is heavily situational on your team. The up side to shiva stacking is with all 4 of you cuddled into a corner with 4 automatic shotguns it only takes one person with a few shots to rapidly dispatch of any infected / special infected that may wander into viewing distance.

The down side to this is that on a public team, people will INSIST on using all 4 shotguns blazing unloading full ammo clips to wipe out a few infected.

Here are some tips to Shiva Stacking:

- Alternate mele attacks, have two people run into fatigue and then have the other two begin melee.
- One person at any given time should be a shooter for normal infected. Once it stacks up no more than 3 or 4 shots from an automatic shotgun should take care of everything.
- Make sure that your team is capable of shiva stacking and have good communications to advise when there mele time is up.
- Find the highest, most disgustingly closed in place as possible to shiva stack.
- When the tank comes, stay in the corner. 4 Automatic Shotguns at point blank will carve it up exceptionally fast. If 4 people are unloading everything into the tank no-one should get hurt at all.

Shiva stacking is the simplest tactic to survive, but it can also be the most difficult at times to pull off. Especially with multiple smokers and hunters coming at you with your limited vision. Often stacking in a wide open area and a large corner allows players to keep smokers and hunters off, and gives them ample warning and run time from a tank when it spawns. Experimenting with this technique is often the best way to achieve long times.

As always this is nothing more than a simple guideline to assist in game play. There are numerous other ways to achieve long times that I have glossed over or simply left out. But in the attempt not to make a gigantic guide I have simplified it into this little article.

Now Go Out and Kill Some Zombies

Rogotin [Revelation 6:7-8]
“When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, “Come!” I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.”

Oh that nap did me the world of good, I was dead tired. I just got back from vacation you know. I just spent three days at the luxurious Blood Hospital courtesy of L4D Maps, apparently it’s one of their rare full package adventure holidays. Oh but the first day was quite the disappointment I must say. Not only do I find out that I’ll be sharing my accommodation with three others and the dilemma at the airport, but when we got there the place was so dark you couldn’t see past the end of your shotgun. And those zombies let me tell you, actually I took quite a few pictures let me show you . . . Hm? Oh wait, of course I’ve already told you about all this. My mind’s a bit of a mess, I’ve just come back from vacation you know. From Blood Hospital. For three days. Sorry, sorry I’m rambling again. Where were we? Oh yes the second day.

Day 2

Oh dear, Bill fell down.

I have to say I wasn’t impressed by room service, our last room was filled to the brim with beds and then this room was completely bare. Isn’t that always the way, you either get too much or nothing at all. Though despite the constant parade of disappointments we were more than hopeful that this day would be the day we really saw Blood Hospital. Well to be honest, being able to see anything would of been quite the achievement the way things had been going. I opened the door with bated breath to see our first glimpse of the real Blood Hospital.

That settles it, these people know nothing of Health & Safety

It’s nothing like the one in the brochure! For one I’m sure it had walls! Look at that picture and tell me that walkway isn’t a death-trap. You simply can’t. How did they ever let it get so neglected, I hope they fired their janitor for gross incompetence. Well as my grandma always said, “Stiff upper lip.” So I kept my lip firm, my head held high, my hands and knees planted on the ground, and I shuffled myself to the other side. I heard the others snickering but I wasn’t going to risk tripping off the edge, or gorging myself on a piece of rebar. Not that they’d listen, they were very headstrong companions. I slowly made it across, and things were looking brighter. Literally. Someone had finally turned on some lights.

Gah!

Well what did I say earlier, either you don’t get anything or you get too much. I at least hope those were energy saving light bulbs, for our planets sake. I myself do my own bit for mother earth, as you well know I lead a neighbourhood watch to make sure zombies are correctly put in the correct z-bin for recycling (remember special infected in the red bin, and regular in the green). This is more like it though, now I can actually see the place. If only they left the lights on in the other building too.

This is going to be murder on my feet

This is what I came to see, wonderful architecture bathed in a warm light. This is what Blood Hospital is famed for, and look not a pesky local zombie to ruin the scene. It cheered me up so much that I nearly overlooked the fact that the escalators were out of order, I just left a post-it note instead of filing a formal complaint. Though this mood did not last long before we went back to the usual, but this time with a bit more lighting.

Why Zoey? Why?

No I can still see you there, fat man

Before you ask, no I do not know why there is a series of fencing and boxes around the hospital. It’s highly impractical, much like most of what I’ve seen. Speaking of which there was one curious thing I noticed about the local populace while I was over there, there were more than the standard fare of fat men. Now you know I’m never rude about such things like appearances but these men were clearly clinically obese and numerous in population. At a certain points all I could hear was their horrid gargling and belches from all around me. To tell you the truth I was glad to finally replace those disgusting noises with a more satisfying pop.

Wait a moment, that building has no windows!

At this point I was glad to see there was some semblance of law and order in these parts. I thought they could help lead us out since no one else in my group wanted to lead. I was getting a little homesick by that point, wondering how you were all coping without me. Well that and the fact I couldn’t go anywhere without angering the horde, no matter what I did it always seemed to rub them the wrong way. Just look at these pictures.

I only told him we recycle his kind back home

Spotlight? Stage? Is it karaoke night tonight?

Obviously not

You see I couldn’t put a foot right in their eyes, they’re just like with my mother-in-law. Like I said, I just wanted to get back home by this point. Although we did all meet an interesting young fellow by the entrance on our way out.

Oh, how he did hate those crates

This is . . oh . . ah I could never pronounce his name, I just called him Billy. We found him jumping up and down, viciously clawing at those wooden boxes. He was so full of life jumping all around, shrieking in that language of his, ah to be young again. We never saw hide nor hair of his parents, poor thing must of been abandoned. I hear that’s what they do out here, but we didn’t have the time to dilly dally so I . . . recycled him. Moving on.

So close . . .

As you can see we reached our accommodation easily after exiting the building. We were all looking forward to a nice relaxing night before heading home the next day. But of course we had to deal with one final situation before we could enter.

. . . and yet so far.

Bill had got his beard stuck in the fence. It took us a good five or so minutes to trim his beard free (he refused to let us just shave it off). What a card he is. You can probably pick up that I was not best pleased with the trip and as such prepared another letter of complaint;

Dear Cameraman-4,

I am still displeased with the holiday you booked me on. The central and iconic Blood Hospital I had heard so much about did indeed have an impressive atrium, but I found the areas away from the atrium to be rather dull and plain. It is a shame that the rest of the building did not get the same love and devotion so obviously given to the atrium.

I will be returning tomorrow, using the route you picked out for us.

Yours Truly,

Idlehands

P.S.

It might’ve helped matters if the main atrium was corderned off from the riff raff locals. They seemed to be everywhere!

You’d think that the journey home would be easy enough, but you’d be dead wrong. Oh now that was an interesting day and I’d tell you all about it, but I haven’t collected that batch of pictures from the photo shop. Don’t worry though I’ll call round just as soon as I collect them. Then I can finish telling you all about my vacation. Won’t that be fun? Of course it will be, silly.

Imagine a world…

Where Hunters could become completely invisible when flush against a wall, Boomer explosions did damage, Smoker’s could use their tongue as a whip.

It was the days of the pre-release version of Left 4 Dead, when Turtle Rock was still it’s own separate company from Valve. Left 4 Dead was still very rough, there was no idea of there being two different modes. There were only the campaigns, which you played through as either Survivor or Infected, not switching sides at the end of each map, supposing the Infected let them get that far.

It was a complicated day, Boomers didn’t bile people when they exploded, they relied on their vomit for that, Smokers could drop pitch-black smoke at will, and Hunters had an alternate attack where they just lunged at people without pouncing them, hitting them for small amounts of damage and knocking them back a distance.

The lunge is still there…

Well, yes, it’s not supposed to be there, and it’s a very situational turn of events that gives it life. But it’s there. And it’s awesome. Watch below for a quick semi-visual tutorial on how it works, I’ll get into gritty details soon after it.

A definitive part of being able to pull off a lunge is the ability to “bunny-hop” as a Hunter. Bunny-hopping involves, as you may have picked up in the above video, pouncing at a low angle, then jumping at precisely the right moment, just before you hit the ground, to continue the pounce. This doesn’t reset your contact damage counter, so it can lead to some interesting tactics indoors where otherwise the Hunter could not do much contact damage. A limitation to this is, although you can string together bunny-hops from a single pounce, you cannot successfully land a pounce after two successive bunny-hops from that one pounce. You’ll just bounce off the Survivor.

kraljevo8 from the Steam Forums has a more in-depth video on bunny-hopping than the few seconds I gave on it:

Check out his thread on it here.

In case I didn’t explain it well-enough in the video, the Hunter’s lunge mechanic only seems to activate where the ‘bounce’ of the bunny-hop (when you time your jump) is within a certain distance of the Survivor, if not right next to them. The ‘bunny-hop-push combo¹’ (or ‘lunge’, whatever you want to call it, you boring buggers) also seems to have a sweet spot, as some pushes certainly don’t move them much at all, whereas others send them flying, even along a flat surface.

In any case, this is for all the Hunter maniacs out there. While the usefulness of the ability itself is extremely situational, and not very useful in most situations, one day it will all line up. You will narrow your eyes, remember your lessons, launch yourself at the Survivor pulling his mate up off the edge, nail the bunny-hop……and as your palms flatten outwards in anticipation of the shove……as your momentum throws you recklessly towards your victim’s back, a man dead in all but name, you will whisper…….oh so evilly the sound will slither through your teeth……in your room you will hear but that one chilling word….

“Yes.”

It will make your day.

Anyone who deems themselves worthy of becoming advanced Hunters, or just anyone interesting in improving their skills, check out Kaizoku’s brilliant thread on the Steam Forums. To the rest, Felix Venatio.

¹ - You can shorten that to BHPC! How awesome does that sound?!

Hello folks I’ve just come back from a lovely vacation, so you all know what time it is. That’s right, it’s time for me to regale you with stories of my holiday. Don’t worry, I took plenty of pictures so you won’t miss out on a thing. I decided not to book my holiday through Teletext like last year and instead booked my trip through Cameraman-4 from that lovely L4D Maps place. They sent me on one of their custom adventure tours around Blood Hospital for three days at such a bargain, though admittedly I did have to share the trip with three other people. The brochure they gave me said:

“Chaos has broke out around the hospital leaving the survivors with one goal… Eliminate the undead and escape!”

Oh ho! Sounded like a riveting adventure, just my cup of tea. I immediately packed my bags, packing only the essentials; pistol, uzi and a medkit. I hurried out to the airport which was quite the dilemma I tell you. Apparently they were having some sort of zombie emergency but I find it’s always like that nowadays. Though that’s quite normal, I bet you’ve all been there. So to cut a long story short I managed to get us all on a plane if we just helped out with the refueling. Needless to say I was quite pooped by the time we were in the air. I slept the entire journey and woke up already in our room in Bloody Hospital.

Day 1

Our accommodation was cramped to say the least

Oh yes there are all the other people on the tour with me. There’s Zoey on the left, sweet young girl but I never did get most the references she made. That’s Bill’s back, he seems grouchy but he’s a lovely dear really. And Louis is shying away from the camera, ah bless. We had barely unpacked before the thrill of the vacation took a firm hold of us, even though it was the dead of night we decided to be cheeky and have a wander around the hospital. No time like the present like they always say.

Ooh the thrill of the unknown, like that stain on the ceiling

What greeted us as we stepped out into our adventure holiday was a little underwhelming. I didn’t really envision a series of dark, plain corridors. I knew it was night time but it was so dark that our little torches were the only illumination we had, which made reloading a nightmare I tell you. We pressed on regardless, determined to get to the real meat of Bloody Hospital. We trudged on ahead, clearing the path of the riff raff zombies. Eventually we came across the toilets. “Oh,” I thought, “what a timing. I was dying to go.”

Such strange customs, they keep pills in theirs

Needless to say I decided against using that lavatory. We pressed on ahead through the overly dark corridors, slowly snaking our way to . . well hopefully to somewhere brighter! We finally came upon an impasse, our path being completely blocked by fire. Luckily for us I came upon the solution. Being the lateral thinker I am, I turned on the sprinklers. Although this riled up those pesky zombies something rotten, it was as if they were preserving that water for some special occasion. Anyway we had to mow them all down. I would have pictures but I was afraid of my camera getting wet. Well it was from one dilemma to another from there on in.

Don’t worry love I have something that’ll get that right out

Well what can I say? I told Zoey not to get too close to that chubby local and what happens? He explodes all over her. Aw look at her face there, though she brought it on herself. I don’t know who I’m more annoyed with really, Zoey for being so headstrong or that fat fellow for showing such a lack of etiquette. We had to continue on in the darkness for the rest of the night with that horrid stink. Just remembering it sends shivers down my spine. I blame that fat man’s poor diet, probably constantly eating fast food. That’s what fast food does to you. Makes you explode. That’s why I only ever eat fresh organic food.

Honestly who left those there

My colleagues commented on what a stroke of luck it was to find some weaponry just laying around. Really now, it’s only by a stroke of luck that I didn’t trip on those blasted things and break my hip. Some comfort that automatic shotgun will be when I’m lying on the floor with my back out. It’s a health and safety issue is what it is. A person could sue if they we so inclined, but you know me I never like to make a fuss. Not like those local zombies we kept running into, constantly gargling their silly language at us and getting upset at the slightest provocation. Oh! You couldn’t do anything without angering the horde! Just look at these.

All I did was look at that ammo pile!

Well he’s the one you all should be angry at!

Honestly now all I did was grab some unattended ammo for myself, I mean I was running low what else should I have done? Was it that I didn’t leave a tip? I’m sorry but I just don’t believe in tipping for poor service. And that smoker was such a drama queen, all I did was blow up his fat friend. I mean after the Zoey incident I wasn’t going to have my clothes ruined as well. I mean honestly they can’t think about others can they? The chubby man had to die to save me disgrace and a dry cleaning bill!

Ahh finally

As you can see, we finally did make it to our lodgings that night. It was quite the troublesome day I can tell you, and all we got to see were a series of dark corridors and a few too many pesky zombies. As you can guess I was already mentally composing a rather stern, yet polite letter to LFD Maps, here’s what I had by the end of day one;

Dear Mr. Cameraman-4,

I am writing to you concerning this so-called ‘holiday’ you sent me on. Is there such a thing as lighting here? I nearly tripped on several occasions! This was not what was promised to me earlier.

If the following days do not improve then I’m afraid I will have to ask for reimbursement. Hopefully someone will turn on a light or two!

Yours Truly,

Idlehands

I’m actually quite pooped, I’ve only just back from vacation you know. I do believe I will have a quick nap and then I will have the energy to tell you all about the other two days of my trip. I have many more pictures and anecdotes to tell you, don’t you worry.

Author’s notes: Yes, this took a buttload of time to get to, and I’m sorry. Read Louis first, then BIll.  I’m also aware of that this can’t be canon due to location issues.

Twinkle twinkle little star.

I have a question for you.

Does god know who we are?

Does he wonder what has become of us?

The star replied “He no longer knows nor cares.”

I replied “Why has he abandoned us?”

“You abandoned yourselves.”

Cheers!

“Hey! Another round for everyone!”

“Yeah!”

“Woohoo!”

“On three! One, Two, Three!”

“Cheers!”

Francis sat at the bar amongst the hubbub of the evening. He wasn’t unhappy, he as having a great time. Something still niggled at him, made him have a bit of a odd disposition. As the bartender slid him down a beer, he whispered “I hate beer.”

His friend, hearing him, said “You are such a comedian Francis! You drink like a fish!”

Francis laughed a little, and took a swig of the beer. He set the glass down, and saw his reflection in the yellow liquid. He grimaced and downed the rest of the glass. The evening progressed, and Francis became increasingly inebriated. His mood lightened, he laughed, danced, participated in all the hubbub. Finally, it was time for him to go home. He asked his buddy, Joe, to take the gang home. Since Joe was the designated driver for the evening, he agreed. All the guys piled in the back of Joe’s van, since whenever they went drinking they left their bikes at home. They all laughed, and Francis, in a jolly mood, jokingly said, “I hate vans!” Everyone laughed, and slowly started to drift off into a drunken sleep.

Joe, pulling up to each of the members houses/ trailers, got out, and woke them up, and dumped them off  one at a time. Finally, he got to Francis’s trailer last, and gave him the same treatment as everyone else.

“Get up you lazy bum.” Joe said, shaking Francis.

Francis woke up, confused, and with a splitting headache. Joe dragged him out of the car and helped him into the trailer. He set him down on the couch and walked out. Francis, still very tired, lay down and went to sleep.

Apocolypse 1, Humanity 0

Francis woke up, and was immediately assailed by the effects of his hangover. He got up and slowly walked over to one of the cabinets. He looked for some pain pills, and found some. He swallowed four of them, and put them down on the counter. He flicked on the TV, adjusting the antenna. He finally found a signal, and noticed it was a black screen with a few lines of text on it, alert tone playing.

“Meh, must be a test.” he mumbled.

He flicked the channel, the same screen. He flipped the channels multiple times, all of them with the same thing. He finally gave up and turned off the TV. He rummaged through the fridge, and he found some soda. He quickly opened the can, and took a large swig. As he recovered slowly from the effects of last night’s festivities, something clicked in his brain. He quickly turned the TV on, and looked at what the alert screen said.

He read the screen, and it said to proceed to the nearest evacuation centre, and that public carrying of firearms was permitted. Francis was a bit perturbed, but thought he wasn’t in any immediate danger. He then heard pounding at his door.

He irritably yelled, “Keep your shorts on, I’m coming.” He opened the door, and a dishevelled man stood there, just staring at him. The man had his shirt ripped to pieces, jeans torn in several places, and he appeared to be wearing white contacts. Nothing out of the ordinary for the neighbourhood.

“Well? What do you want?” Francis said irritably.

The man stood there, just staring, swaying back and forth.

“Are you gonna say something?”

The man maintained his stare, not even blinking. Francis decided that this guy must be high off of something and started to close the door. The man suddenly sprang forward and forced his way through the doorway. He knocked Francis back, and continuing his rush, slammed Francis against the wall. Francis shoved him off and delivered a kick to the crotch. The man was stunned for a second, but rushed Francis again. Francis stepped to the side, and slammed the man mid-run into the wall. The man slid down, leaving a blood trail.

Francis stood still, staring at the body. He thought over  what was going on, all the while the feeling sinking in that this wasn’t just some weird coincidence.

What was that? He didn’t even react when I kicked him! Like a freaking zombie…

For one of the few times in his life, Francis decided that running was the best choice. He went to his closet and pulled out the shotgun he had used for so many purposes. After stuffing his vest pockets  with ammo, he left his trailer. He looked around the park, and saw many people shuffling around, the same way the one man did.

I probably just fell asleep watching some bad horror flick.

Being outnumbered about 50 to 1, he headed down the road into town, since none of them were standing anywhere near the exit. Francis proceeded for many hours on thie road, heading in to town. Finally, he saw the outline of buildings on the horizon, and he quickened his pace.

Mania

Francis passed into the suburbs of the city after many hours of trekking down the desolate road. He entered to see a scene he would have expected to see during one of his gangs outdoor parties. There were burning cars, doors and windows smashed in, bits of paper littered about on the street. Francis proceeded carefully, and walked slowly down the road.  He came across a car that was still running.

Maybe I can use this to get out of here…

Francis smashed in the window, and set the alarm off. He immediately heard a wail that he had never heard before, and it sent a chill down his spine. In the mist of the morning, he saw outlines running towards him, many of them.

“Bring it on, I’m invincible!” Francis yelled  towards them, seeing that they were just like the man that had attacked him earlier.

He started unloading shotgun shells into the crowd of people running towards him, but they had little effect at the range. He stood his ground, waiting for them to come closer.  They charged, running over each other even if one of them fell, like a dog chasing a car, focused on nothing but their target.

Finally, they reached a range where Francis could take them out. He started opening fire, taking down a few with each shot. No matter how many he took down, they gradually kept getting closer and closer, until finally, while Francis was reloading, one of them got close and tried to scratch him. Francis batted him off, but the horde had surrounded him. He spun, hitting back the crowd with the butt of his gun. At one point in the fray, he dropped his gun. He started throwing punches, kicking them in the stomach, even trying to tackle into some of them. They all kept attacking him from all sides, making his attempts at resistance increasingly futile. As he was worn down by the fighting and being hit from all angles, he finally dropped to the ground, still being attacked. as his vision went blurry, the crowd started to lighten up, and he thought he heard gunshots. Finally, his vision faded off.

Saviours

Francis woke up in a bed, and it appeared to be morning. He tried to get up, but his bruised and beaten body wouldn’t let him. He looked around, and saw a man sitting in the corner.

Weakly, he said “Who… who the hell are you?”

The man shook his head and looked up, and yelled “Hey, Hey Bill! He’s awake!”

The man was black, wearing a button up shirt with a tie, and torn jeans. He was clean shaven, and looked to have suffered some recent injuries. Another man walked in, an old man, wering combat fatigues.

“Well son, we thought you were dead, the beatin’ you took.” The old man said.

Francis, regaining a little strength, smirked and said, “What can I say? I’m invincible!”

The black man said, “No, you ain’t invincible, just stupid.”

“Listen bub-”

“It’s Louis.”

“Well listen Louis, I don’t see you fighting off zombies with your fists!” yelled Francis angrily.

“Both of you, shut up!” The old man said.

“Now, if we’re going to get out of this mess, we’ve got to work together. Now, I’m Bill, can you say your name, or did the zombies take what was left of your brain?”

“Names’ Francis, old man.” Francis said, laying back down.

“We’ll stay here for now, until we can get you back on your feet.” Bill said with a sigh.

2 months after the infection, the U.S. military finally managed to contain the infection and retake the city of Fairfield.

It was a horrid chapter in American history. Almost all of the inhabitants in the city had been infected or killed. It is also note-worthy to say that the U.S. army encountered little to no resistance from the hostile inhabitants once they finally decided to enter the city. That’s because a small group of people, bonded together by their willingness to live in face of this terrible calamity, wiped out a majority of the infected.

Unfortunately, only a handful of those survivors actually made it home. Some never left the town, fighting for their fellow survivors to their dying breath. Others, due to numerous injuries, simply collapsed and never recuperated.

As the U.S. government sets itself to establish a quarantine and resolve this disaster, the nation’s attention turns to the four survivors who made it back alive. Their stories have spawned numerous book deals and fan websites, propelling the four to national celebrity status.

Here are the survivors’ lives after Left 4 Dead.

* * *

A man in a cheap business suit looked at himself in a handheld mirror as he made his way to the woods where the U.S. military failed to fight back the infected. He had sneaked past the National Guard troops securing the area by going under the demolished bridge. If he pulled this off, he could earn a big promotion from his boss. After all, this guy was a celebrity.

He jerked at his tie once more and stood in front of the shiny new white trailer. Opening his briefcase, the man pulled out the pamphlets advertising his company’s life insurance policies. Exhaling deeply and practicing his rehearsed lines in his head, the man, trying to find a doorbell but finding none, knocked on the door.

He thought he saw a flicker. An eye briefly flashed past the small window adjacent to the door.

Next thing he knew, the man was lying on his back, looking fearfully at the bearded man pointing a shotgun directly between his eyes. The man could feel the ash dripping from the cigarette wedged between the geezer’s lips. The old man snarled:

“Get off my property.”

The harried man, with a boot to his behind, ran off, papers streaming out from his leather briefcase. He now knew why his fellow coworkers took a sick leave after those visits to the crazy man. Perhaps his reclusive nature gave him a notorious reputation, thought the man as he ran down the road.

Bill, giving the man’s back an intimidating stare, crept back into this trailer. He just got this trailer from an anonymous fan who kept sending him fan mail. He appreciated the fan’s generosity, but after the fan started hanging around his trailer, he eventually did what he did to the annoying salesperson to the hapless stalker.

Another knock. Bill, this time, didn’t even bother to take his shotgun. He knew who it was.

Opening the door, he saw his fellow survivors. A smartly-dressed neat African American man. A girl in a red jacket. And finally, his favorite prick of all time…

“Hey grampa Bill,” growled Francis as he shoved past Bill and headed straight for the minibar.

Bill looked at the other two survivors and thought they were holding hands. He’d had a feeling that something was up, as he smiled gently to himself.

Zoey gave Bill a warm hug. Louis patted Bill on the back as if he were his oldest friend. The three quickly sat down at the minibar and started talking of old things. While Francis chugged a bottle of beer, they recounted their lives. Zoey talked of her moving to another university. Surprisingly, a lot of schools were willing to accept her. She could finally choose where she wanted to go, instead of having to find a school which was willing to accept a student with abysmal grades.

Bill talked of those annoying salespeople and the attention he received. Before, he had been a recluse. Now, he was probably the biggest celebrity out of the other three. He earned a notorious reputation for being tough; Louis was glorified as a common man who fought back against impossible odds; Zoey was seen as the female heroine who stood up for women’s toughness. Francis was just Francis.

Louis talked of his promotion to CEO. He was now in charge of all those electronic stores and could finally move up to the upper-class level.

Jokingly, Louis said, “Zoey, Bill, I’m giving you both jobs.”

Turning to Francis, Louis said, “Francis! I’ma teach yo ass how to read!”

Francis, completely left out of the discussion, merely said, “Huh?” as the other survivors chortled at Louis’s remarks. They even gave Francis a book to see if he could really read (he could pass).

And so it went. All of them were reunited- at least for know.

* * *

Two years later

Francis wiped the counter and checked the alarm system. He made his last rounds around the store and turned off all the lights.

It was late at night. Francis left the electronics store (which he now owns) and hopped onto his motorcycle. He had to head to Adult School for his reading and writing class, at Louis’s request. Before he headed straight there, though, he stopped at the local bar for a drink. When he pulled up to the bar, though, he could see many people jammed pack around the entrance. Obviously, they were looking for him.

Not desiring attention (at least not now), Francis took the back door entrance. He rapped on the door three times, then once. It was a code.

Sure enough, the bartender, who knew Francis as a regular and understood his current predicament, came out with two bottles of beer.

Francis bumped the bartender. “Hey Jeremy.”

“What’s up, Francis?”

The two friends sat down and talked of things. Jeremy used to own a bar back at Fairfield. He moved because of declining business- a good thing, since he narrowly just missed the infection. Now he was making wads of cash, since somebody there saw Francis as a customer. Now it was the hottest bar in town.

Jeremy chuckled. “You know, I really owe ya. I’m making so much money everyday. These people come in, asking, ‘Where’s Francis?’”

Francis replied, “Any people I should get to know?”

Jeremy raised his eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe the girls…”

The two finished their drinks. Francis, getting up to leave, was suddenly stopped by Jeremy.

“Wait…”

Jeremy’s normally comical expression was replaced with a look of sorrow and pity. He handed Francis a crumpled newspaper.

“Is this practice so I can ace my reading exam at the Adult School?”

Jeremy shook his head and went back into his bar. Francis looked down at the newspaper. He scanned the page and finally knew why Jeremy’s expression had been so grim. The expression had been one that seemed to convey the sadness that he had to bring to Francis.

Francis got back on his bike, eyes never leaving the paper. Breathing deeply, he laid back, taking in all this news. Finally, he smiled to himself and started the bike. He headed off for the Adult School- he was almost late anyways.

As the wind whipped Francis’s eyes, he thought of Bill. The old man had a good life, thought Francis. He had friends. Francis’s smile was replaced with a scowl as he growled to the sky:

“Bill, you son of a bitch. Don’t wet your diapers in heaven.”

Francis tossed the newspaper away, as it drifted in the wind. Amazingly, it blew up into the sky, as if it were dancing or possessed by some unearthly spirit. It finally laid to rest on the dusty side of the road. As if covering up the bad news, the wind blew the pages over the Obituary sections, over the section on William “Bill” Overbeck.

* * *

Nighttime. A couple strolled down the street. They passed the abandoned diner, the gas station, the apartments. Memories, not all of them good, but they had to be confronted.

It was eerie. The moonlight illuminated the city. However, it was no longer frightening. The shadows didn’t hide any hidden dangers, nor did it hid any infected. Instead, the darkness gave the setting a mysterious feel.

The two people made their way up to the top of the apartments. Here, they found the table, the SOS sign painted on the roof. They overlooked the city, one that used to be filled with mindless killing drones. Nothing scared them, though. There was another feeling in the air that smothered any feelings of fearfulness.

Zoey turned to Louis, smiling. “This is where we met.”

The two laid back, looking at the stars. They counted the constellations and found the Big Dipper. The two recounted adventures, talked of narrow escapes, and even humorously recounted the incident with Francis “accidentally” shooting Bill. However, the small talk soon turned to Bill.

Zoey looked at Louis. “Bill’s in a better place.”

Louis looked up at the stars, nodding. He thought he saw Bill’s old wrinkly features formed by the heavenly bodies above. It was a fitting end to a war veteran. He had fought his last battle.

However, Louis was preoccupied with something else. He thought of how he should approach this. Even in all his years as a trained man, capable of handling crises (he was a manager, after all), he didn’t know how he was going to approach this. It was going to be tough, yet this challenge was probably the most important one.

Louis nervously reached into his pocket and fingered a velvet-covered box with a ring in it.

Backwards, forwards but making no ground at all
Standing in the city with the clocks counting one
And your face is still wet from the fight before
As your tears hit the ground, blue flowers spring from them
Baby, I’m ashamed of the things I put you through
Baby, I’m ashamed of the man I was for you

—

“What the hell Louis?” Zoey yelled in my ear.

“I… I’m sorry.” I replied, looking away from her face. Slightly because of all the blood gushing out of several cuts, running down her face and dripping onto the ground with a sound like the pitter patter of the rain around us, but mainly because of the guilt that entered my body. I couldn’t look at her directly in the eyes. “I didn’t know…”

“Didn’t know? What have I been yelling for the last ten minutes?” Zoey said, wiping the cocktail of tears and blood from her face. Deep breaths between her words. “…I guess that this is the end for me…”

“Don’t say that. We gonna make it.” I looked at her to say this, to create confidence in a situation without any. Now I know how Harvey Dent felt. Zoey looked down to the ground. A small puddle of blood was starting to wash away from the rain. She said nothing. “C’mon. I’ll help you to a safer location.” No reply. “Zoey, please…” She remained silent. “Don’t be like that. I promise you that we’re gonna get out of here, alive. Please Zoey, talk to me…”

—

And all you said in your quietest voice
Was “I needed you as much as they do”
And all you said in your quietest voice
Was “I needed you as much as they do”

—

“HERE THEY COME!”

The call of the old man came to my surprise. He came running down from one of the streets. Zoey looked at me, and I saw a mixture of expressions. Anger. Fear. Mourning. All of these emotions mixed into one, which looked directly into my eyes. I was speechless. I could only breathe as I watched her she picked up here shotgun with her spare hand, and limped to the location she was when the last horde came. Her left arm around her stomach, stopping the blood from leaving where a Hunter had clawed at her.

For a moment, we were in the calm of the storm. That moment where there is no panic, no sound, only our surroundings. I looked at the body filled street. I looked around and saw several bodies which reminded me of events before. A Boomer’s torso, which had belonged to the zombie which had puked on all of us. A Tank that successfully incapped Bill, but was slain before he could do more damage…

…and the body of our friend Francis. Although you couldn’t tell by looking at the quiet, relaxed corpse, but Francis was a noisy fellow, but handy and did his best to keep us all alive. Sadly, he was caught in the middle of a mob. He tried to use a Molotov, but it backfired. Now he lays there alone, but I knew that, soon, we would join him.

—

How fast must we run before we can just take off in flight?
How far must we run before they do not recognise us?
So let’s take this from the start, you’ll be me and I’ll be you
And let’s try not to complain about your smoking
And my distant heart
And my distant heart
And my distant heart

—

Sub-Machine gun in hand, I prepared for the oncoming horde. Bill and I stood on the entrance to to the Subway tunnels, which had now been blocked by a van. Zoey stood behind, in the alleyway. I suggested to her to take my place on the Subway, but she didn’t even look at me. As the calls got closer, I started to choke. I knew how this would end, and I knew it wasn’t going to be happy…

As the horde attacked, we opened fire. We managed to keep the zombies at a distance for a while, but they soon closed in. I gave myself the duty of protecting Zoey, so I looked behind my to see how she was doing. She stayed quiet, just blasting all the infected that tried to climb the metal fence. For a moment, I thought that we could get out of this alive. But then reality came crashing back to me like a missile.

A Smoker had caught Bill with his tongue, and started to pull him towards the large group of the undead. I started shooting at the Smoker in an attempt to save my ally, but then came the screech of a Hunter. I quickly turned around and performed a shove, thinking that he was after me. But I was wrong. I expected to see some ugly face rushing at me, like some kind of Witch from fairy tales. But he wasn’t there, and instead I saw him dropping down from the rooftops, crushing Zoey with his limbs.

All the emotions that Zoey gave me before had came back, and filled my body. I rushed to the scene, and started to fill the Hunter and surrounding Infected with lead. I ignored all sounds around. As I done this, I repeated Zoey’s last words in my head…

—

And all you said in your quietest voice
Was “I needed you as much as they do”
And all you said in your quietest voice
Was “I needed you as much as they do”

—

As the last of the zombies in the alley fell, I looked at the bodies. They all seem to surround the body of the one I let down. I took deep breaths. I was calm now. But then I realised. “Damnit!” I yelled as I turned around and ran to the top of the entrance. I forgot that Bill was trapped in the middle of the horde. I sprayed and prayed, but to no avail. The old man had now joined my other two friends. I was alone to fight the creatures around me. It was impossible for me to survive, so I decided to take as many as I could with me.

I took the Pipebomb from my right pocket. As I looked at the bandaged hand which pulled out the explosive, I thought of Zoey, and how I took the life she had. I didn’t need it as much as she did, but I used it on myself. I was more responsible then all the Infected. So I started the bomb, and ran into the middle of the street, while it still in my hand. As the zombies attacked in an attempt to stop the noises of the bomb, I fell to the ground, but still carried it in my hands. And just before it all ended, I could only think of one thing…

—

And all you said in your quietest voice
Was “I needed you as much as they do”
And all you said in your quietest voice
Was “I needed you as much as they do”

—

     I was bound to do this article some time or the other as well. I had done a similar article detailing the different traits and characteristics of the TF2 classes and how they seem so similar to the people we meet everyday. 

     Similar to the classes in TF2, the band of survivors are a colorful bunch that have different backgrounds, lives, and personalities. From their voice responses and quotes in-game, one can infer what their personality is like. Here is your chance to meet the survivors in reality.

The Survivors

Prerequisite: Must be fairly skilled or trained with weaponry or battle tactics (or have street smarts)

                                                                                OR

                        Immunized for most diseases and maladies/capable of recovering from common infections

Bill

Personality and Traits: Tough, experienced and tends to be more mature (age-wise and mentally!) than the others. The natural leader of the pack and has seen everything. Sometimes has a rough and gruff demeanor. May be the outcast of the group. Crabbiness tends to be just a coat of armor. Has rough times and a past with people associated to Francis (a guy relationship thing)

Likely Jobs: Drifter, war veteran, PE coach. Usually unemployed or in a dead end job. Can be found in a soup kitchen or something similar to that e.g. Salvation Army

Likeability Factor: 3 out of 5 as an average. Doesn’t really hate anybody, though he/she acts like it.

Francis

Personality and Traits: Mischievous and playful. Has a gruff, tough demeanor, though not as serious as Bill. Is the rebel, the dropout, the person who usually goes after girls and earns a notorious reputation. Is the joker of the group and sometimes the comic relief. Likes leather clothing and tattoos. Somewhat of an outdoorsman. Likes to mock people associated with Bill (a guy relationship thing). A prick

Likely Jobs: Biker, gang member, comedian, tattoo artist, outdoorsman (Hunting animals)

Likeability Factor: 2 out of 5 since some people see Francis’s as pricks. 4 out of 5 if one gets to know him- can be pretty darn funny. (”Get your ass up!…that’s what he said”)

Louis

Personality and Traits: Your run-of-the-mill white collar worker. Tends to have a very orderly, predictable life with little changes and interesting things. Life tends to get a little boring sometimes. A regular member of society, usually the one who does all the paperwork. Smarter than the rest, people associated with Louis are the younger generation. Just your average Joe with something special on the side. Not usually too willing to fight. Tends to take a more diplomatic approach unlike Bill’s and Francis’s.

Likely Jobs: Store manager, executive, whatever white-collar-paperwork-associated-mediocre-to-six-figure-salary jobs you can think of.

Likeability Factor: 4 out of 5: quite agreeable and able to get along with. 

Zoey

Personality and Traits: Somewhat similar to Louis, though younger at heart and age-wise. One of the smarter ones (though grades aren’t that great). Has a fondness for horror movies and other things not too many people are interested in. Upbeat hip character like most young people these days. Your run-of-the-mill teenager, as one can say. Gets along well with Louis’s, as they are similar. Relationship with Francis’s can be a little rocky at first.

Likely Jobs: student, internship, assistant. Not too many available jobs in this economy, eh?

Likeability Factor: 3.5 out of 5: Okay for most people, though may think Zoeys are a little obnoxious (teenagers…).

Chicago Ted

Personality and Traits: Egotistical, very powerful

Likely Jobs: Zombie killer. Chuck Norris impersonator/trainer

Likeability Factor: 4 out of 5 if meeting survivors. If infected, it goes somewhere in the negatives.

The Scout Churchguy

Personality and Traits: Nervous. Very very nervous and paranoid. Very cautious, neat freak, unstable mind. Easily frightened and spooked. Not very compatible with the above people.

Likely Jobs: Bellringer

Likeability Factor: 2 out of 5. Nobody likes him when he gets paranoid.

     None of the above? Perhaps you are one of the infected! (No likability factors for the following- not enough information given from the game to make any inferences).

The Infected

Prerequisite: Easily prone to infections and diseases- weak immune systems

                                                                    OR

                        Part of the 53, 595 people living in Fairfield or any nearby place as of October 31, 2008.

The Hunter

Personality and Traits: Athletic, likes to wear hoodies. You are capable of sneaking around fairly well, and people can’t find you easily. Hunters grow out their fingernails and are capable of opening (ripping) things. Fast runner, likes to jump people just to scare the heck out of them (or to kill them).

Likely Jobs: Track star, long-jump athlete

The Smoker

Personality and Traits: Smokes cigarettes, usually breaks up groups. Smokers can be seen by some people as being perverted in an unusual way. Most likely to make people ditch others unintentionally.

Likely Jobs: Food-taster, guy who breaks up fights (not the bouncer though)

The Boomer

Personality and Traits: Fat, or somewhat on the chubby side. Likes to eat, has a weak stomach, and is usually picked on by the other people above. Boomers usually buy clothing that are too small for them (or they grow out of them).

Likely Jobs: Gourmand, restaurant proprietor.

The Tank

Personality and Traits: Tough, very muscular, likes to work out a lot. Very rough with anybody, and takes lots of vitamin supplements. Tanks endure much, but can be angered very easily. Tends to have a macho attitude and is the next infected story I’m typing up

Likely Jobs: Work-out trainer, PE coach, baseball player (Barry Bonds), bouncer.

The Witch

Personality and Traits: Almost always a female. Depressed very easily and has suicidal thoughts. People who just recently broke up with somebody. Found huddling in a corner, sobbing uncontrollably. Capable of lashing out in anger with incredibly long, sharp, and durable fingernails. Unconsolable. For some reason, tends to lack clothing.

Likely Jobs: Nothing. Goth kid, emo girl

     So the next time you see your little brother catch a fly using his tongue or a classmate that starts growing out a beard at the tender age of 13, just remember- everybody has a little bit of Left 4 Dead in them.

L4D: Meet the Survivors and Infected in Reality!

Because someone was gonna write about it sooner or later. =P

So, we’ve got five special Infected classes, four of which are playable. There’s the horde-attracting Boomer, the teamsplitting Smoker, the individual-destroying Hunter, the dangerous-if-provoked Witch, and the battlefield-changing Tank. All are quite different from each other, and all are played in very different styles. If we look at them individually, we see that they’re more similar to some particular classes than others in TF2. Perhaps we can find the class that’s most like the one we’re good at in TF2. Perhaps they’ll be the same one we’re best at. Or not. I dunno. =P

So here’s Dr. Ryan Hal Secret-Agent Godzilla Clank here with his analysis of the classes and further thoughts. Presenting to you, Class Comparisons!

The Smoker
This one’s pretty hard to classify, since he’s probably the least similar to any class as all. However, regardless, we can easily say that he’s the Sniper, with Engineer coming in a very distant second.

Camping: surprisingly important for SmokersIt's not too hard to imagine; they both attack targets from a distance, unlike most of the other classes. They both pick out important targets for their teammates, and they can both turn the tide for any single enemy; the Sniper with a fully charged headshot, and the Smoker by dragging someone off a high roof place/into fire. And both are also potentially devastating when used in tandem with help from teammates.Imagine a situation in which a Smoker drags you, and then your teammates arrive to help, only to get pounced by a Hunter or vomited on by a Boomer. Now that's a winning combination.Now, think of the Sniper removing the enemy Sniper for your Heavy to go on, or saving a teammate from a backstab. Consider how he could headshot the engineer, making it cake for the Soldier/Heavy to demolish the Sentry.Their weaknesses? As both classes, if you allow an enemy to get near your, you're likely finished, unless you're intentionally waiting there for a Smoke/Kukri. Unless you're waiting with the Kukri/smoke, of course. The BoomerThis one doesn't need a whole lot of thinking; the Boomer is like the Pyro. Both are suicide classes who work well with ambushes rather than direct attack (especially so for the Boomer). The intention is to hide, then reveal yourself, causing chaos amongst the enemy which can be used to your advantage.Now with 20% more flame damage.

Pyros and Boomers both, accordingly, have the shortest life span of any class in game. Neither expect to survive very long most of the time, unless you’re a master of the class who’s extremely lucky, and even then, a kamikaze run almost certainly benefits your team by causing the enemy to become disorganized and at the very least, buys your team some time to build sentries/respawn.

SURPRISE!!!

Neither causes much as much damage directly as they would indirectly. The Boomer bile attracts zombies, but it can be warded off by the enemy team. The Pyro sets people on fire, but they can make it out alive and find health. The real important deal is to have perfect timing, surprise the enemy and take them out when they can’t get away.

The Hunter

One word; Spy.

Look at ‘em. Ain’t they both grand? At first it seems contradictory that I would say they’re the same; the Hunter’s mobility most fits the Scout/Demoman, his one on one advantage seems to match that of the Scout, and he’s nowhere near a hit and run class like the Spy, because if you manage a successsful attack that badly damages your enemy, you will most likely die at the hands of their teammate.

But consider the similarities; both are usually loner classes who do their best work picking of individual enemies, whose effectiveness is increased with the assistance of teammates distracting other enemies. Both have a single attack that does the most damage to any one person that can’t be avoided once it’s started; the Hunter with his long range pounce and the Spy with a single backstab. And both do best when their enemies don’t know they’re there till the time to attack arrives. Both are also the most silent; the Spy for obvious reasons, and the Hunter being the only class in Left 4 Dead that can keep absolutely quiet. Not to mention that both their regular melee attacks do the least damage of all the melee attacks in the game.

Scout comes in a somewhat close second, but the Hunter, I claim, is the most Spy-ish class in Left 4 Dead.

The Tank
Tough choice, eh?

The Tank is, of course, quite similar to the Heavy, and a little like the Soldier. Actually, no, the Tank is more like a Medic Heavy combo with one full charge ready. He dishes out the most damage directly, and can take a whopping load of damage before falling. He, like the Heavy + Medic, is the most noticed combo in the field, and is usually the one to be shot at first based on the threat alone. And the further away his enemies get, the more useless his attacks are (and yes, the rock throw is pretty useless unless your enemy doesn’t realize he/she has both an “A” and a “D” button on his/her keyboard).

Potentially, he can take out the entire opposition, but if they work well enough, they can defeat him before he can even so much as scratch them. One of the most important things for both Heavy and Tank is the support of his teammates.
Heavy:
- People to watch his back for Spies
- A Medic to heal him
- Other teammates attacking so that he’s not the only target
Tank:
- Teammates to watch out for molotovs (the Tank’s main weakness)
- … can’t come up with a Medic comparison oO
- Other teammates attacking so that he’s not the only target

The Witch
“But wait!” you cry. “The witch isn’t playable! Besides, what class could she possibly be compared too?”

To which I respond “So what? ;)”

Don't mind me. Or else!

Actually, my studies have shown that the Witch is most like the Engineer. That’s right, folks! Our friend the Engy. If you leave either alone, they can’t do anything to you really. The Witch will just lay there sobbing while the Engy sits behind his Sentry and whacks it (except the better ones, really). If luck would have it, placement happens to be the most important for either class. Your entire team could be held back entirely by a single Witch/Sentry in the worst possible place, or could just let them sit in a corner doing nothing.

Teamwork is also important pretty for both of them; a Hunter in the wrong place can draw fire to a Witch, startling her and sending her shrieking, while one of my favorite tactics in TF2 is to draw an enemy or two into an area with a Sentry. See an Engy with his sentry under fire? Assist him. See a witch about to get crown’d? Go bug the survivors.

Both are also easily taken out of you know how. The Witch can be taken down with a single shotgun blast to the head, although if you mess it up, you will die. The Engineer and his sentry can be taken out with an uber, but if the uber fails, he kills them easily, much like the Witch. In addition, the Engy is open to the stab-n-sap technique, which is like crowning the Witch. Do it right, you get away completely scott-free. Do it wrong, and you’re dead. Engy dead, but his sentry’s still there.
_________________________________________

And there you have it folks; the class comparisons of Left 4 Dead and Team Fortress 2. Perhaps it was with this mind that Valve choose the Infected? I mean, I can imagine The Screamer possibly being a version of the Medic? Both are dangerous of you let them get away to get reinforcements, I mean. Probably not. But hey, perhaps if we look at the other TF2 classes (Scout, Soldier, Demoman, Medic), we could get an idea of what new Infected class Valve would bring out, should they decide too. And perhaps they will. Doesn’t that just sound grand?

Props to tf2wiki.net for the pics.

     The wind howled at the bending, moaning trees. It was dark, and the trees masked imaginary dangers. Nature sounds no longer seemed peaceful- it was now foreign, mysterious, an uninvited visitor that brings in the dangers of the night.

     The wind carried with it the sounds of a skirmish, a battle that was taking place. Gunshots pounded through the air, sending gentle vibrations through the air.

     None of this bothered Bill. It was just the background noise to another wartime dream he was having in the cozy backseat of his 1970s vintage white car.

     Just then, a loud explosion was heard. He could hear voices, frantic voices. He heard rubble fall down and the pounding of feet on the pavement.

     Bill yawned.

     The grizzled, old veteran sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The old man’s sharp eyes pierced the darkness in the car. His car was safely situated on a ledge overlooking the road below. He saw figures running down on the road.

     Bill stretched out his old tired muscles and bones. He put on his old dusty army uniform with scars on the back. He remembered how accurate Charley’s bullets were, and how they nearly ripped him to shreds along with his uniform. It was the only thing he had worn ever since he had left his house. When the whole city went to hell two weeks ago, he packed up his guns, ammunition, health packs, basic necessities…and more guns.

     Peering out of the window cautiously, Bill, armed with a shotgun, glanced around. He saw something that surprised him. It wasn’t the dark figures running or just standing on the road aimlessly. It wasn’t the strange, ominous feeling that had pervaded throughout the woods.

     “What the hell happened to the military?”

====================================================================

     Down in the basement of a fairly decent house, an African-American man was scouring his basement for supplies. He was putting all his supplies in a black trash bag. However, the guns required more attention.

     Louis brushed the dust of his old abandoned desk and found a business motivational book.

     Rule #12: Remember to keep a sense of adventure.

     Louis laughed and tossed in the business book in along with his many office motivational posters.

     At long last, the electronics store manager took up his black trash bag and toted a shotgun in his hand. Even though he was trained to take charge of a crisis and observe his surroundings carefully, he was still filled with apprehension. 

     Unlike most people, though, Louis actually had experience with guns. He picked up a hunting rifle and dropped it into his bags, remembering how his father used to take him hunting in the Allegheny National Forest. Good times, and he took up marksmanship ever since. The hunting range was his retreat during lunch hours.

     That might explain why he lived for so long. His colleagues were probably dead or infected. It might also explain how he managed to get into his new red car without so much a scratch.

     After clearing out some infected that had overtaken his fresh cut lawn, Louis dumped his supplies and trash bag into the trunk. Louis took out the map from the compartment in the front seat. He drew out the shortest route to Riverside.

     Riverside. It was a tranquil little town that wasn’t too far from the coast. Dad took him there once, and it wasn’t too bad. Without the zombies, that is. Now he heard from the radio that the military was clearing out an escape route for the survivors by retaking the city. He also heard they busted the bridge just in case the infected did overrun the small town.

     His red car roared down the empty, desolate road.

=====================================================================

     On the outskirts of the city, a group of shivering college students stood in the woods. From afar, they could see signs of a skirmish, a battle taking place.

     “Think the military’s gonna hold up?”

     “They better.”

     “You betcha.”

     The sounds of the battle stopped. The victor was undecided, and the students glanced at each other nervously.

     A girl in a red jacket said, “Think we should’ve gone back? ‘Cause it’s warmer back in my dorm…”

     The taller boy of the group shook his head sadly, bitterly remarking, “No chance, Zoey. They’re probably all dead by now. Good thing we left school early…I’d hate to-”

     A shadow streaked through the air.

     A shriek rang throughout the air, and the taller boy was instantly pinned by a hooded creature, which was tearing him into pieces. The taller boy struggled futilely. 

     Why is nobody helping me?

     At that moment, the shadows within the trees came alive. Shrieking pale-faced monsters emerged from the darkness, surrounding the helpless group of students. Taken by surprise, the students were instantly overwhelmed by the horde.

     “Shi- GET IT OFF!”

     A boy whimpered helplessly, waiting for death in a fetal position.

     Zoey ran for her life. Amid the chaos and confusion, the adrenaline and will to live forced her to run. Past her doomed classmates…past the normal people who were now infected…past-

     As she looked back onto the carnage behind her, she suddenly heard an equally terrifying shriek and felt a chill down her spine. A cold, slimy tongue constricted around her neck, making her gasp for breath. Perhaps for the last time….

     *BLAM*

     The first thing Zoey saw, when she was gasping for breath on the ground, was a scowling man on a motorcycle with a smoking shotgun in one hand. She had seen him before in the neighborhood bar and in those biker meetings…what was he doing here?

     “Get on!”

     Zoey instinctively dove for the backseat of the motorcycle and wrapped her arms around the man’s waist, sobbing uncontrollably.

     The motorcycle roared through the dark forest. The man asked, “What’s your name, honey?”

     Zoey sniffled. “It’s Zoey. Your’s?”

     “Francis.”

=====================================================================

     Louis drove down the empty road, eyes scanning the flaming cars and debris that was strewn everywhere. At long last, he reached the toll booth, which led to Riverside.

     Though Louis was a law-abiding citizen, he smashed through the booth barrier without paying because the toll collector was now just a skeletal corpse slumped over the cashier machine.

     Louis gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles, body shivering from the coldness of the carnage around him. 

     Also, something was following him. Something big, muscular…and tossing rocks at him.

     *SMASH* With pin-point precision, the jagged edge of a giant slab of cement clipped his car, sending his car spinning uncontrollably. Louis fought his car with his steering wheel in vain.

     The hulk was meters away. Louis reached for his shotgun…and lost it when the beast flipped his car with one humongous arm. Louis saw stars and lost sense of consciousness for a while.

     The thing was near. He held his breath, watching it fearfully with frantic eyes.

     The hulk surveyed the wreckage, sniffing with his nose. Fortunately for Louis, the gasoline that poured out of the car overcame the smell of warm, living flesh. After growling and bellowing a loud roar, the beast ambled away from the wreckage, and left the way it came.

     When it was no more than a speck in the distance, Louis smashed his car window and crawled out. Disheveled and shaken as he was, he was not done yet. Far from it. As he staggered away from the car, it exploded into a ball of flame. He could hear popping sounds as the guns in the trunk fired out their ammunition.

     He walked to Riverside, lonelier and colder than ever.

=====================================================================

     “Where are we headed for?”

     Francis replied, “I heard the military was holding out against those vampires at Riverside. If they clear a way through…”

     Zoey shook her head. “They’re dead. My classmates and I were assaulted by those zombies. They probably got past the military… or killed them.”

     “Fine, I guess we’ll just find Grampa Bill,” growled Francis. He pulled the motorcycle to a stop at a white car. Francis leapt off the bike and pounded on the car’s hood. “Hey, wake up, Gramps!” A shotgun blast smashed through the front window, nearly killing Francis.

     “Dammit, I though you were one of them!” snarled Bill as he got out of the car. “And who’s that?”

     “That’s a girl, and a fine one too.”

     Zoey gave Francis an ugly look and pushed him. She said, “It’s nice to meet you, Bill. I’m Zoey.”

     Bill took a drag from his cigarette. “I should move that car down there. If we’re gonna escape, we might as well get into my car. Three people including me, right?”

     Zoey looked over her shoulder and saw a dark figure walking down the road. “Four.”

=====================================================================

     Louis leaned back against the car, stretching out his sore leg muscles. “Damn…I was walking all the way here. Couldn’t even bring any guns and stuff.”

     The survivors huddled around, talking about their past lives. Bill told his war stories while Zoey talked about how she used to skip out on classes. Francis recalled his biker gang’s stories and Louis about his ordinary job. As different as they were, there was a feeling of closeness and camaraderie.

     After taking a swig from his canteen, Bill said, “C’mon, son. We gotta keep moving. These infected will be coming after us any second.”

     Louis shook his head. “Not with that car. I heard the bridge out of here is busted. No way we can get out of here with your car.”

     “Then why’d you come here?”

     “I thought the military would’ve able to do something…”

     “They’re gone.”

     The silence was deafening as the survivors realized what they were up against. At long last, Louis got up and Bill popped open the trunk to reveal weapons, ammo, and health packs. Francis took a shotgun. The four survivors stood together, facing the unknown and god knows what.

     This is the epilogue of the prologue.

The first update for Left 4 Dead looms ever closer and I bet you’re all ravenous for explicit details, salivating in excitement at the prospect of exploring the updates every crook and cranny. Well your in for a treat then, welcome to your one-stop non-stop source of Left 4 Dead news, Boomercharged! Where we fire juicy information right at your face that imbibes every drip of factual news like a roll of super absorbent Bounty. Yes we leak you every ounce of hot steamy details, grilled fresh from our informants and fact checked our sources at wikipedia. So prepare your factual osmosis faces for the latest and greatest details on the update, found nowhere else but here on Boomercharged.

That is of course if you haven’t already read IGN’s preview of the new update, where their writer’s were flown to Valve headquaters to test play the update (We at Boomercharged are sure our invitation got lost in the mail, right Gabe?). But please don’t leave to read it, please stay. Those guys don’t love you like we do (in a purely platonic and totally macho of course). They may be professional games journalists, but we’ve got fanatical ranting right here. So let’s forget your affair with that other site and move on to the details of the update.

The so-so yet still crucial details

Firstly Valve will be releasing a Critics Choice Edition of Left 4 Dead for the X-box on April 21st, although that won’t interest anyone here seeing as you all should own the game anyway, but good news for X-box players is that Valve have managed to coerce Microsoft to release the DLC for free. No need for you to get your Microsoft fun bucks out to join in the good times. Valve have also stated that the update will be ready for download before April 21st, which knowing Valve could mean April 20th (look trying to get a reliable release date from Valve is like trying to get directions from a limbless mute). Valve have will finally be adding Dead Air and Death Toll onto the roster of Versus maps, which is a good thing too if your like me and can now trace the Mercy Hospital campaign maps blindfolded.

Survival

That’s right Left 4 Dead is getting a brand new game mode called Survival. As you may of guessed from it’s title, the aim of this game is to survive as long as possible against an infinite horde of infected and their special counterparts, simple right? Oh is it ever that simple? I’ll go into more a bit later. Now when I first heard of Survival I presumed it would be the four campaign finales that just never ended, well I can tell you now that I was a presumptuous fool. It will be fifteen levels from the campaign, plus a brand new map called ‘Lighthouse’. That’s thirteen maps to die on, for those as bad at maths as me.

Each level will have a random sprinkling of ammo caches, health kits, gas canisters, molotovs, and pipe bombs as per the norm of any map. When the four unfortunate survivors start they will have as much time as they deem to familiarise themselves with their geographical layout and form their plans. Once they’re bored of bickering, praying to the Director, and voice spamming one another, the survivors can press a button to activate the horde. This probably means that the maps are going to be the ones that include crescendo points, those being the button that will activate the endless horde, so my hint of the day is to familiarise yourself with those maps.

Once the horde are released then hell is truly unleashed, think the finale if the Director had just found it’s AI lover sleeping with SHODAN and found it had contracted a virus from them. Or as Wash from Firefly would say, “Oh God, oh God, we’re all going to die,” or Hudson from Aliens, “That’s it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?”. Basically not good. Don’t believe me? Well Valve’s company best survival time is just shy of 9 minutes, no-one has yet beat the 10 minute mark.

Now, now before you all unveil your e-penis’s and say how you and your friends could, “like totally survive 20 minutes.” Remember this is not going to be the finale, where a horde attacks, followed by tank, sprinkles of the special friends, rinse repeat. Valve have said if you survive long enough (I doubt we will) we can have two tanks at once, including a horde, and a couple of each of the special four. If you read that right and realised, then yes, yes there will be multiple boomers and smokers at the same time. There is no mention of the witch, which either means she takes a leave of absence for this mode or she is placed randomly around the map beforehand.

Valve also give out medals depending on how long you last, Bronze, Sliver and Gold. The times are hand crafted for each level, but a rough idea is Bronze is four minutes, Sliver six minutes, and Gold eight minutes. Gives you an idea of how long the creators give your chances at survival. It also can give your ego a boost when you earn one, but it also gives another thing for a squeaky voice teenager to boast about over voice chat, and to call everyone else a noob if they don’t have gold yet on all the maps. You know this to be true, look in your heart (OK I really am going over my geeky reference quota on this one).

The point of this having very short rounds? Well it may be that Valve knows we worship them and with their power are being as sadistic as physically possible. Or they are nicely filling the feeling players such as I have of, “I fancy a game of Left 4 Dead but I can’t really devote myself to an hour of campaign or 2 of versus.” This should be a fun short game that requires less time devotion, while still being addictive and replayable until the wee hours of the morn. Or maybe that’s what Valve are hoping a Valve fanboy like me would say. Sadistic future gaming overlords or genius developers? Either way I’m excited.

- L4D pic by ~jake-ru

The Prologue

The story all begins because of a simple file, well actually this all began in California as a twinkle in a “film-makers” eye, but my story began because of a file. It’s strange how one file could change how you viewed the world, how you lived your life. All it takes is something simple to change everything, even fate. Did you know a person’s fate is decided not by the person, it is decided for them by others. Mine was no different, my fate was decided at an office meeting.

The Meeting

In an dusk drenched office two men stand in silence, one by the window, the other by the desk, both trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Hoping it would vanish, disappear and no longer be their responsibility, but it won’t, it never does. The elephant in the room is an innocent looking report file lying alone upon the desk, that contains print outs and some, let’s say interesting images.

“We need to do something,” the one by the desk, known as General Balls says to break the silence, “You kn-”

“I know!” interrupts the one known as Madlep, “I know . . we have to report this, anything to do with Left 4 Dead falls under our jurisdiction . . but I never expected this.”

“Who could expect such a thing.”

An awkward silence hangs in the office, occasionally punctured by the staff outside shouting into their mics “Noob!”, “Stick with the damned team!”, and “Bloody rage quitters!”

“Perhaps,” General Balls started pondering lowering his voice, “Perhaps we needn’t report it, the tubes are already ablaze with the news. Everyone already knows. We could just let this one slide by, say we were busy with the upcoming update.”

Madlep sighs, “No. No, the people are going to look to us for a response, for answers”

“But who would want this assignment? Who’s that sick, twisted and deranged enough watch this? Let alone report it. Who do we have on staff that would- no, could do this?”

Madlep muses for awhile before slowly speaking, “There is one,” he slowly turns to face General Balls, “But your going to need to take a flight.”

The man

The pounding reverberates around my head, my skull threatening to cave in on itself, my soft feeble brain crushed with brutish sound waves. I open one bleary bloodshot eye to seek out the offender, only to be greeted by a blurred, spinning room. The pounding continues, I slip onto my feet and feel my way towards the noise, I make my way to a pounding rectangle shaped blur. I call out, but only a mumbled groan slips past my lips. The pounding stops.

“Idle. Idle, are you in there? It’s me General Balls,” replied the now still blur, “Let me in we need to talk.”

I obey the blur and fumble around until it swings open. On the other side is another blur, this time in the shape of a human. I can’t see but I know the blur is looking at me disapprovingly. I invite it in and crash back onto the nearest soft blur I can find.

“Oh no you don’t,” the human blur grabs me before I can embrace sweet softness and drags me away, “I need you at least semi-aware for this.”

General Balls treats me to his own tried and tested method to get me awake, involving flushing my head in the toilet until I gain some sentience. It’s not the nicest experience one can have but I have to say it’s never failed so far. I sit on the edge of my bed, still dripping, as General Balls observes the chaotic mess of empty bottles and cans that I now call my carpet. He tosses a file onto my lap as he finally settles on my desk.

“We need your help on this one my man.”

“I haven’t been one of your men for a while now, General.”

“Oh yeah and by the looks of things you’ve been doing just dandy.”

I give him a glare before begrudgingly opening the file. I flick through a few pages, “What is this? A couple of pictures of a girl cosplaying as Zoey. What do you need me for?”

“Keep looking.”

“Hmph . . hm . . that’s the cheesiest Smoker outfit I’ve seen . . no wait . . what’s he . . oh . . OH! This is . . Why?”

“Don’t know, don’t much care. That’s your job.”

I slowly tear my eyes away from the images, stuffing one of them into my back pocket, “Oh you have got to be kidding me.”

“Afraid not, no one else will touch this, therefore it’s all yours,” he beams.

“What about Nalfang?”

“He’s currently method acting for his next Prologue article. Last I saw he was running round the office in a vest listing all the things he hates.”

“Bu- . . but . . I’m not . . I’m,” I stammer but it’s too late he’s already out the door.

I’m left alone in the room with the file, damn that General Balls. Just dropping this into my lap, he knows I can’t leave it be after seeing this. That magnificent bastard. After a short period of self-loathing I start up my lappy, head to google and begin my research for the article.

The Article

Someone made a Left 4 Dead porno.

Well that just trumps everything, ever.

Tee Hee - GB

If you have ever been to the city of Fairfield, then you must know the Pump ‘N Run gas station. And if you know the Pump ‘N Run gas station, then surely you must also know Oscar’s Corner Diner. And if you know about the diner and have been fortunate enough to live to tell the tale, then you probably already know the tragic story behind its proprietor, a horrifying example of the infection’s effect on even the most kind-hearted , innocuous humans. But for those who have never heard of Oscar and his diner, then come hither, where I shall relate this tragic tale…

Oscar walked up the steps of his apartment, whistling cheerfully and jingling his keys in his pockets as he deftly carried a bag filled with fries and burgers with one trained hand. He opened the door and walked into a bright green living room, all with matching sofas and rugs. On the couch, knitting tranquilly, was an elderly lady, apparently at ease with herself.

“Hey Grandma,” greeted Oscar as he set down the pizza onto a table. His grandmother smiled back sweetly and nodded back at him. 

Then from across the room bounded Oscar’s son, Willis, as he cried , “Papa!”

He ran into his father’s arms as Oscar scooped him up and hugged him with his large beefy bearlike arms. When Oscar put down Willis, his son squealed, “Look, Papa! Look at what I drew!” Willis took out a crumpled sheet of paper with a seven year-old’s scrawl and coloring on it. On it was a morbidly obese, comical fat man with stretched out underwear.     

Oscar smiled and patted Willis on the head. After Willis had left to go play with his toy box, Oscar talked to his brother, Ronald, privately in the kitchen over the burgers and fries Oscar brought home.     

“Oscar bro, how’s the business?”

“It’s fine, Ron. I just took a quick break and had my employees take care of the place for a while.”

“So, what’s the latest on that octo-mom?”

And so the two brothers discussed ordinary affairs, from the rising cost of gas prices to how certain people need to have smarter family planning. After Oscar and Ronald finished their meal, Oscar decided to take off and leave. He had to get back to watch his diner, he told his brother. Just as Oscar was about to leave, Oscar’s grandmother said,

“Oscar?”

“Yea?”

“Don’t you think you could lose a little weight? I think you look a little too much like that Drew Carey fellow on The Price Is Right.”     

Oscar laughed it off. He remembered how his grandmother spent her days watching that show. Grandma always used to squeeze his chubby arms and remark playfully how chubby he was. “I’ll be fine, Ma. Don’t worry, I’ll try.” Oscar kissed his grandmother and headed off for the diner. On the way there, Oscar looked at his wide frame and remembered how his classmates used to tease about his size. Without giving his size a further thought, he nervously chucked to himself again and strode into the diner.

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Oscar took on a genial attitude and greeted his old customers warmly. The aroma of fresh grilled burgers and sizzling fries filled the warm, comforting air of the diner. As he approached the kitchen, though, he heard coughing and wheezing in the other room. Oscar followed the noise to a back closet storage, where he found his assistant manager tending to a sickly, pale man. It was a fresh new face who just started working here a few days ago.

“Mamma mia, what happened here, Maria?”

Maria looked up and frowned. “I dunno. The newbie obviously caught something.” The man coughed and hacked, looking up at Oscar with red teary pleading eyes. Oscar had never seen anyone so pitiful.     

Oscar said, “Fine. You get the rest of the day off. I think you should go to the hospital, you don’t look too good.”

The man coughed in consent and staggered his way out of the diner. He coughed numerous times at the counter and coughed all the way out the door.     

Oscar looked at the man’s skeletal frame. For some reason, he had the stench of death about him. Maybe I should clean up the counter. Oscar, however, never got to that.
  
Nighttime. Oscar locked the diner, checked the alarm, and before he left, took out some burgers and shakes for dinner. After walking through the dark and into his own apartment, Oscar settled down into his couch and went channel surfing.      

“New reports of a quara-,”   *FZZTT*
“This afternoon, a man wa-,”  *FZZTT*

Nothing interested Oscar on TV. Oscar then took out a movie from under his couch. It was his favorite movie, and he smiled at the cover of the DVD. It showed a man whose mouth was completely filled with fries. As he popped in the DVD, he settled back on the couch and sighed happily. Somewhere around the halfway point of Supersize Me, he fell into a deep, relaxed sleep. 

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“HUHHH….haaacckkk…PTOOETY!”

Oscar stumbled out of the restroom, half-dazed and disheveled. He had begun to take a shower, but he had started hacking up green mucus. Lots of it. Oscar sat down on his couch again and rested his head, feeling very odd. He breathed shallowly. He just didn’t…feel right. When he opened his eyes again, he saw his reflection on the TV screen. It wasn’t pretty.

“Oh….God….”

Willis’s picture…

Before him wasn’t the Oscar he knew. He saw a morbidly obese fat man gazing back at him. It haunted him, yet the reflection was quite comical. Oscar stood up, with great effort, and stumbled to his restroom to look at himself. Pale and white. Big and fat. Big stubby legs and arms. His blue shirt was stretched out and so were his pants. Large, fragile boils stood up from his stomach, containing some sort of nasty green substance.

The man…the sickness…

Oscar stumbled out of his apartment. He waddled down to the lobby and pushed open the doors…to see an entirely different world.

Fires. Cars beeping. Bystanders seemingly running around aimlessly. The night sky was orange and pale against the dark smoke rising from the city. Armageddon. However, Oscar saw the bystanders. They weren’t the same. He saw pale, disheveled, bloodied figures run. He saw their muscular arms, their claw-like hands. But most importantly, he saw their desire to kill. 

Gunshots erupted around him. A bullet whizzed past Oscar’s ear. For some reason, the howling ghostly figures ran past him, ignoring him. They went into the direction of the gunshots. The gunfire stopped. A corrupt feast ensued.

Oscar felt himself get sick to his stomach. He doubled over and groaned as he knelt to the ground. He felt the urge to regurgitate his insides, to get rid of the matter within. But first, he thought of Ronald, and his grandmother. They could help.

Oscar pounded on the door of his brother’s flat. Ronald opened the door almost immediately with a shotgun in hand. He gazed at his brother with wild, astonished, deer-in-the-headlight eyes and asked, “God, what happened to your face?” 

Oscar felt his face and felt large bumps, but before he could explore the matter any further or explain to Ronald, a wave of nausea hit him. He reared back and his insides roared out of him.

Gallons of green matter sprang out of Oscar’s mouth. The matter covered Ronald entirely and some even splattered back onto Oscar. Oscar let loose with every single ounce of bile he had and more. In no time, Ronald was covered, head to toe, with green vomit.

“What the-”

Ronald staggered blindly, but not for long before a shadowy figure leapt from the shadows and smashed into Ronald. A shotgun blast rang out, and then the hapless man was down.

The creature dug into Ronald’s warm flesh and dug out his insides. Blood decorated the cement sidewalk. However, that was not the end of his ordeal. Almost as quickly as the hunter had pounced, an entire wave of pale, staggering, bloodied figures surrounded Ronald and turned their desire to kill onto him. Ronald was fortunate- his death was quick.

The hunter, with glaring, beady eyes, turned to the fat, obese figure and growled. 

You know what to do…

The hunter pounced away from rooftop to rooftop. The horde of zombies entered the apartment to destroy their next two victims. However, the Boomer didn’t go into the apartment. Groaning and moaning, he lurched off into the shadows. The urge to vomit was great and he felt another wave of nausea come up.

Somewhere within the depths of the now corrupted soul, the last human part of this inhumane vessel cried out pitifully and feebly:

Mami…Willis…Ronald…

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Thunder crackled and shattered the silence. A stream of light pierced the dark and shone on a disfigured hand covered in goo. Out of the shadows emerged a grizzled old man, a tattooed figure, a somewhat neatly dressed young man, and a young girl in a red jacket.

“Hold up.”

The old man crouched down and touched the green goo experimentally.

“Never seen anything like this before.”

This time, the tatooed man said, “Jesus Bill, don’t let that stop you from smearing that all over yourself.”

With an annoyed look, Bill stood up and smeared the green gunk on the tatooed man’s vest. 

“Jesus Bill, aw, it stinks!”

However, this little talk was interrupted by a wailing. It sounded like a little girl crying. Bill and the girl traced the crying to an adjacent door. They entered, determined to investigate the source of the crying. Another survivor…?

That left the neatly dressed man and the tatooed man outside to look out. They shifted nervously in the darkness, an imaginary enemy hiding in every shadow, every crevice of this decrepit alley.

The neatly dressed man sniffed. The air smelled of death. But wait…he smelled something else. As his curious nose sought out the source of the smell, his brain told him it smelled like something he had eaten at the office before for lunch…something that smelled familiar like…like…

“Burgers?”